Lucy's Journey

cute things of the day...

2011-06-03T23:52:00.000-04:00

- Sara, IIiiiiii love you.
- Iiiiii love me mommy.
-*-
- Sara, you did stinky poopy on the potty! yey!
- You welcome, mommy.
-*-
- Sara, let's pray to Jesus
- Deah Jesus, thank you mommy, thank you daddy, thank you Tessa, thank you night-night, night night at my cwib (crib), play with the toys later. aaaaaaamen. (she went on and on and on for about 2-3 minutes, so cute to hear).
-*-
She's my sunshine.

AB3MY!

2011-04-28T13:11:00.006-04:00

It's been more than a month now, but I need to register this here. I'm now a new HAM operator! My call sign is AB3MY which is so appropriate and not even a "vanity sign" (meaning it was ramdomly assigned to me by the FCC, I had the option to purchased one from their list of available call signs). I'm so excited about identifying myself as "America/Brazil 3 Mamma Yankee" on the radio. I was born in Brazil and I'm now an american citizen so this call sign is so perfect! In addition, my Dad was PY2PD and growing up I loved hearing the word Yankee on his call sign. It was such an exotic word for a portuguese speaker. I couldn't have picked a better call sign if I were to choose one!

I passed all levels in one testing session (3 exams) and was told that this was a first in the club history (not trying to toot my horn, just really celebrating! I'm so excited about this!). The VEs (Volunteer Examiners) were so nice, there were a couple people that failed the basic exams this month but they kept encouraging them and cheering them on telling them "I know you can do it next time", it was nice to see. If you are not familiar with HAM, here is an interesting article: why HAM Radio Endures in a World of Tweets
I guess most people don't take all 3 tests at once, and even take years until they take the Extra test, but my point of doing this was... I hate tests and I wanted to get it over with. Being an extra would give me all the privileges on all frequencis and I'd be able to communicate not only with the U.S. but most Countries, so I decided to just do it.

Now I'm going to be a little naughty, but just for one paragraph, ok? What makes it a little fun is that HAM is mostly a "boys" club... and I know, feminism is bad (I really don't think feminism is a good thing, really I don't!), but a lot of time when we were little girls we had this whole boy/girl competition going, didn't we? lol. I know I did! There was a couple boys in my class I was always competing with, mmm... let me see if I remember their names. Carlos Eduardo - we would compete to see who finished math problems/tests first... it was so much fun, we would race to see who got the best grade. Denisson & Marlon - we competed in a history and in a religions class "olympics". I won 2 volleyballs as prizes for those "knowledge-based olympics". Good times! Growing up I didn't really had great self esteem, so this was awesome and helped me build courage to keep going at school. So it was fun to do well on a "boy's world" again.

Anyway, maybe the whole paragraph above was not well written, I don't want anyone to think "I'm better" than any boys... it's just feels fun to do something just as well. But I have to be very honest, I have tons of practical things to learn - I have yet to purchase a radio! So I'll need the Elmer's help!

A note about studying for the tests: I studied online, mostly. One of the club members lend me some books, but with work and baby I honestly could not carry the books around with me. The most practical thing to do was to just read/quizz on my phone/internet browser. So there a tip for anyone considering studying... use resources online, there's a lot out there available.

A note about my dad: It was so enjoyable to learn every fact about HAM, I felt as if I was reading about my dad and his history. It was like taking a trip to his brain and putting a puzzle together of all the things I've seen and heard growing up... but had no idea what they were. I always wondered what was HAM about that made him so interested on it. As I get ready to set my first ham shack, I'll do it in memory of my dad, and I hope to follow in his footsteps of being a great HAM. He spoke so many languages and had so much engineering knowledge I know I'll never be as good as he was, but that's my way of trying to understand who he was and keeping his memory alive. I even showed Sara a picture of her grandpa for the first time this week. She gladly called him "my grandpa". It filled my eyes with tears.

Here's a link to my Dad's DX club.
Tupy Dx
A picture of him visiting a fellow HAM:

A picture of March 3/15/2011, also at the club's website:
Bald Eagle Repeaters Association

And finally a note on the newspaper (Press Enterprise) 4/27/2011. I attended their meeting last week and was told by Bob to share about passing all three tests in one session. Since everyone was staring at me, as I was literally mumbling about passing all 3 tests I turned into a red tomato! I didn't expect that as it has been years since my last "red" episode (shrug shoulders) anyways, here's it is:

73s you'll!

Every Child Can! (sorry long, but when it comes to music, I ramble... I love music!)

2011-04-26T00:00:00.003-04:00

Hum... I wrote this last month and never published? Such a procrastinator... ! The date of the post was...3/7/11. All relevant, so I'm just going to press send without editing.

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Last weekend I drove my entire family to MA. They are all crazy to go happilly, my husband the craziest of them all. I'm so lucky to have someone that when I mentions a plan just goes: "Ok, when do you want to do this?".

A 6 hour trip later, we're still not there but at the Atlantic Union College in Lancaster, which is about 50 minutes away. We're offered a free stay at the dorms and lunch at the cafeteria since it was open house weekend. The cafeteria experience was great. The dorm... not so much. I'm just going to leave it at this, because I don't want to bad mouth AUC. The only thing I'm going to say is that my family was not impressed and my teen (prospective student), even less.
Brazilian church for worship... then in the afternoon we drove to Boston, and of course, we had to drive around Harvard campus. In Tessa's words "so cool!!", lol.

Back to our hotel, we had a fantastic stay at the Marriott Newtonville, the kids had fun in the pool, and we got to relax before a long day (and no sleep from the previous night). In the morning a delicious breakfast (I just love it when I don't have to cook it... just enjoy it) and then it was time for me to to go my class. The girls stayed behind with dad, they were going to take their time then tour the Museum of Fine Arts.

The only problem was, it was snowing like crazy and the cabs were not even getting close to the hotel, I didn't want to be late. I needed a ride to my class but didn't want to drag the girls with me so early. So I "had" to ride the hotel limo. The driver was a nice man from Haiti, who took me in time to my class, but then "mysteriously" misplaced his ones and fives and had no change. No problem man, I was so excited I didn't care.

Arrived in time for my class. A community center in the suburbs of Boston, an old building, huge and dark. It looked like a public school from the 70s. It took me a while to find the room, but when I did I was the second student there. There was only 2 other students, both violinists. Our teacher was a pianist and did a fantastic job. I'm so excited about studying music again. Did I say that ( oh yes, sorry, I really am!). I can't even put it into words. I feel that all my life I wanted to study music and had to do something else for lack of opportunity. I wanted to be a concert piano player, but my pediatrician said "no" due to my tendinitis. Then I thought about teaching piano, or studying something like that, but didn't have a very supportive family (mom), who kept reminding me you can't have a good salary out of music.

So I got accepted at one of the best universities for a field I like it too... and kept going till I got my doctorate. I'm not complaining, it is a great profession and I love what I do. I work at the field and get paid well. Also, I believe I followed the right path...If it wasn't for pursuing higher education at my current field I'd have never met my husband or have my daughters. But I still miss music and I wonder what would happen "if"... When talking to my husband about this, he is so encouraging. He thinks I should study music and even get a degree on it if I want to. I'm not so sure about paying for more education though!

The trip back was interesting, our car broke in front of the Museum of Fine Arts! But thanks to DH's super powers (his portable battery back) we made it to the car parts store... As soon as we parked at the store our car died again... Praise God! He really watches out for us...One more unplanned night in a hotel, and we were home the next day. What an adventure!!!

I'm preparing for my teacher's audition, there are 2 hard pieces I have to record... wish me luck!

Audition and other sounds

2011-02-20T21:59:00.001-05:00

Suzuki

I have to audition to be accepted in the program to start teaching Suzuki books 1 through 4. You don't need to audition to the intro class I'm getting next week, only for the ones after that.
Just looked up a couple videos online and I remember that the second piece I was able to play fairly well... 15 years ago! I still remember, it was right around the time I moved from being a 2nd violin at the orchestra to a 1st violin. That was a big deal for me.

Sad how I don't even have my music sheets here as most of my books stayed behind in Brazil when I left 10 years ago... I ordered it online with a CD as I won't have anyone available to play the piano part. This is what I have to study:

Seitz Concerto No. 5, I and Vivaldi Concerto in A minor, III

I'm not sure I'll be accepted right away, I'm so rusted...but I'll tell you this, if it does not work for June 2011, maybe for December or next June. It will work one day.

Yes, I'm already planning for the next classes after the one in Boston. I'm having trouble finding any classes that are driving distance (less than 6 hours) or not on Sabbath. Looks like there is one late June, in the Great DC/VA area. If they accept my audition, that is.

I'm still thinking if I want to do piano too... we'll see.

ASL

I'm excited and looking forward to the phone conference on Wednesday. I think I'll review the BABY Signing Time DVDs with Sara this week. She enjoys them so much anyway.

HAM Operator-to-be

There are three levels of certification to be a HAM operator. Technician, General and Extra. You need one in order to move to the next one. I found a site online and studied about 7% of the entire program that covers all three categories today. Hopefully I'll be able to get all three of them done on March 8 or 15. There are two HAM clubs nearby (30 minutes away in both directions) and they both offer testing for licensing. You normally start with one level, and you are able to operate on most frequencies... then progress to the next ones, but you can test in all three levels if you wish to do so. After looking at the material, I think I will. All the electronics/simple mechanics I had for Audiology were a good base for this - I think. Although I realize being certified won't give me full knowledge of HAM, at least I'll get that over with that part and then get a cool short Call sign.

But WhY? Why do I want to be a HAM operator? Here it is in one sentence: My dad was one. The last time we talked, I was in NYC and he was in Brazil, he called me through his HAM radio. HAM was his lifestyle, he lived and breathed propagation, electronics. He was an electronic engineer and even won several international contests. I wish he was hear to teach me all that he knew, but I feel that by learning about HAM I'm learning more about him and it will be fun to hear the off-station sounds at night. When I was little, I fell asleep numerous nights to the sound of his radio. I can still hear it: CQ, CQ, CQ, this is Papa Yanke, two, Papa Delta. PY2PD.

Latest news and some cute things

2011-02-20T00:54:00.000-05:00

Last night:
- Daddy, kiss! (she gets a kiss)
- Mommy, kiss! (she gets a kiss)
and then after being kissed she says:
- Daddy, kiss mommy! (mommy gets a kiss)...
and after the kiss, she goes:
- Thank you!

We went to Friendly's when my cousin Marina came for a visit. When leaving the restaurant the manager gives her a helium balloon. Unfortunately,as I'm trying to manage carrying her and placing the things in the car the balloon escapes into the Troposphere (or beyond?):
- Oh no, my balloon!
- Say bye to your balloon, Sara, it went up in the sky!
- Bye-bye balloon...bye-byeeeee.
And during the ride home she kept repeating:
- My balloon went up in the high! (over and over).
As she gets out of the car, the bright moon is half-hidden between the clouds. She sees it and screams:
- My balloon!!!! Right there, up in the high!

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I didn't make it to the belly class, baby Sara had a rough night and nursed and nursed, by the time morning come, I was depleted of that extra energy I had the night before. Maybe that's why God gave me the extra energy anyway. But, I'm trying two different classes this week (or I want to anyway, we'll see what happens). I found a small studio 30 minutes from my home...so I'm excited.

I'm signed up for the class in Boston (Suzuki), a little afraid of travelling that far with baby Sara. Last time we had a long trip was July, and that's when she had that unfortunate event. It was the summer and she was a little sick though, now she seems to be ok and the weather is much cooler...I guess, having kids puts you in a state of constant worry.

Windy windy night since yesterday, actually. I can almost feel the house shaking with the wind. Whenever there is a storm, or windy day, that means extra work for the hubby. It's almost 1 a.m. and Verizon just called him to work on a pole that is down in Williamsport. I hate it but I know our budget could use the overtime. He's thinking about going back to school, maybe one of those online colleges. His work actually will reimburse him for higher education, so it's a good opportunity for him. I can't complain about Verizon though, the benefits are awesome and the salary is not bad... except, yes, I can complain...the job is dangerous and the hours are hectic sometimes.

Tomorrow I have to be up for my pianist job bright and early at the baptist church, so I better go to sleep!

Too late for a new year's resolution?

2011-02-16T22:00:00.005-05:00

I'll give it a go anyway.

Warning: I have a writing habit of posting random thoughts. This post is really random.

I feel like belly dancing. Seriously. I had a great time belly dancing when I was in Detroit (Yes, I took a couple classes). It was great for fitness, relaxing, surprisingly - something I like doing for exercise. I have a try-out class tomorrow, could only find 1 school somewhat close to where I live (in the country! people don't really "belly dance" around here). The next one would be 1.5 hours away... so I hope I like this one. My goal with this? Improve fitness, have fun and... I want to teach it someday. Yes, you read that right. This is my new "career" goal. I went from "I want to get my doctorate" to "I want to teach belly dance". But wait, it does not stop here!

I also want to teach two other classes. I started certification processes to be able to teach "Baby Signing" (American Sign Language for Babies and their parents), and Suzuki / Early Childhood... which is a method of introducing music to toddlers and little kids. I'm going to Boston, MA two weeks from now to start my music teaching certification, and I have a phone meeting schedule with an ASL curriculum specialist next Wednesday.

One last thing on my list. Became a radio amateur operator (HAM operator). I'll explain why later. I also need write more about the belly dance, ASL and music thing.

I don't know what came over me. It must be the 13.2 lbs I lost since doing Weight Watchers... or I don't know... The weather? Meh...can't be. The fact is... Energy is overflowing. I cleaned my house from top to bottom, with the exception of 2 rooms (that I will clean this next week), I have all this "goals and plans" and I just feel like running a marathon. Maybe I'll start with running a 5k one of this days. I'm not kidding.

God is good and I just feel like dancing.

"a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance..."
Ecclesiastes 3:4

All is peaceful.

2011-01-07T00:47:00.002-05:00

Baby sara is asleep in her crib next to our bed after waking up 1x tonight. In 2 or three hours she will wake up again, nurse/sleep until tomorrow morning. Most nights that's how it goes. Sometimes she wakes 3 times.

Although I love the principle of co-sleeping, I really need (NEED!) my space to sleep. As soon as she wakes up for the 2nd time (and consequently I have no more energy to put her back in her crib... around 3 a.m. if I'm lucky), my quality of sleep is just not the same. Until we get out of bed my sleep is ok, but I feel I'm "asleep & alert" if that's possible.

I wish we had enough space to put a crib attached to our bed so she would just roll over to the crib (she does roll over when she is done nursing every time)...
maybe at the next house.
DH is so involved in making the next house ready, and this time I'm not going to rush him as we have a place to live. True, we're still paying this mortgage but for now it's ok. I can't wait to move into the new place though... really can't wait.
Tomorrow is work day and I'll miss little Sara. She will be spending the day with a wonderful babysitter, who is also a homeschool mom (of 6! beautiful and polite girls). So I know she is in great hands.
I don't know what will happen if I get pregnant again. Breastfeeding is so important to us, it's my main parenting "thing". We'll just have to figure it out.
Yes, we're trying to get pregnant. Not purposely like last time. But I have never used birth control and don't plan to (ever). Really. I chose to (gasp!) leave that up to God.
I hope He blesses me one day. I'm a little terrified he will, because I'm just slowly getting the concept of what being a mom really means.
Nevermind, she is awake.

Moose

2010-11-12T22:38:00.001-05:00

Yesterday at the cafeteria at work, I said:
- Can I have the chocolate mousse please?
To which the cafeteria lady chuckles and say:
- a Moose? I can't give you a moose sorry.

This little story might have no relevance to you if you don't speak a second language, but if you do. You might understand how It just feels little someone just spit on your face. Transitioning from "I'm a professional, educated woman... I have a doctorate, I used to edit high school and college newspapers" (read advanced language skills) to... now you're the girl or "sweetie" with the accent. Isn't it "cute"?

It's agravating, that's what it is.

And that's how sometimes the circle of someone that is a "foreigner" can become a little smaller. I confess I have blacklisted anyone that makes any stupid comments like that from my circle of friends. My husband to this day have never commented how he "liked my accent" (the number one pick up line I've heard since 2001). Exactly because he never treated me differently, he is so close to my heart.

Just needed to vent, there is no point to this post really. And...I have no time to elaborate everything I wanted to write about this. I just needed to get this out. Ok, I feel better now, let's go back to real life.

His name is wonderful

2010-09-22T23:40:00.001-04:00

A facebook friend had this on her status this week:

Do people know that posting or texting OMG is breaking the 3rd Commandment? Check it out. "You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain." Exodus 20:7

3 people like this.

Comments:

Person1: Thanks for saying this!!! I have wondered the same thing and NEVER wrote it!!! :)

Person2: its just a saying nothing behind it not taking the lords name in vain

Person3: i use that all the time. hopefully its not upsetting anyone but i don't see it the same as saying the phrase. i see it the same as 'lol' or laugh out loud.

Person 4: Could also mean Oh my gosh! I don't see anything wrong with it just a saying nothing bad

Since my answer would probably be too big to post on FB, and since I think talking about God's name is worth blogging, I decided to post this here instead of over there.

Personally, it hurts to hear this and other expressions with the different names of God to be used with no care. Sounds like noise to my ears.

Some facts: The dictionary defines vain as without real significance, value, or importance; baseless or worthless. Gosh is just an alteration from God that originated in the 1750's (all info from dictionary.com). Other expressions that are just as painful: Jesus, Jeez.

I don't like hearing my God's name in vain, just as I wouldn't like anyone that I love to have their name's used in vain (without care). Let's imagine someone is really mad at their friend because they found they did something bad. They get upset and start shouting my husband's name: "Oh my Steve!". It wouldn't make any sense, unless his friend name was Steve and he was at fault. And Steve belonged to him. But somehow is socially acceptable to say "Oh my God" in the same situation.

In real life, Because I love and respect my husband, I'd try really hard not to use my husband's name in a sentence without care, because... well, because I care for him. So...as God's children, shouldn't we respect and love Him too, and show him the same affection we show to a mortal?

It's so interesting that God is the supreme being of the Universe, and he specifically asked us to not use his name carelessly in 1 out of only 10 requests*. I wonder why? If I had to guess, I'd say that maybe because He wants us to know that His name is powerful and wonderful things (way better than magic or luck or anything else you can think of) are suppose to happen when we use His name (like in prayer). If you use it like it's worth 2 cents... you might miss the fact that His name has so much value.

*I look at the commandments as God's top 10 pet peeves (actually 9 and 1 important request). It's the only part of the whole Bible He actually wrote with his own fingers so it must be important to Him.

Love is...

2010-09-08T01:41:00.000-04:00

love is painting the kitchen at 1 a.m. after a long hard day of work, just so it won't look hideous when the real estate agent shows up the next morning to do a market analysis... all that so she can have the house she loved...

Seriously he's awake since 6:30 am yesterday. And will leave to work in less than 5 hours. And he's not even done. I love you so much Steve!!!

And here is another vision of what love is:

THE house

2010-09-07T19:30:00.003-04:00

"She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes, (when she comes).

She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes, (when she comes).

She'll be coming 'round the mountain, she'll be coming 'round the mountain,

She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes, (when she comes)."

So last Friday I had my heart set on this duplex in Jersey Shore. Our friendly real estate agent, Dorothy, told us she was having a hard time getting an appointment for us to see the property. In fact Saturday night she wrote me that there was probably competition and she was afraid we wouldn't be able to get in so soon...the listing agent was not getting back to her. I was dishearten. I really want to move. The wicked witch of the West moved two blocks from us a couple months ago and the experience has not been positive at all. I really need my privacy. So, back to the story.

Sara was acting up and didn't want to go to sleep. Steve decided to take her on a car ride, and happen to drove by Exchange, a couple miles down the windy /dark road. In other words, perfect Sara's-go-to-sleep refuge. When he brought her back sleeping, he said:
- There was a really nice house for sale on Exchange, we should check it out.

So I put Sara to bed, and started my very familiar trip to realtor dot com. Found the house but they were way WAY WAAAAY above our budget. Then I scrolled down a little more and saw two properties that catched my eyes, really close to where I live right now, but in nice areas. The next day I had to play for the Whitehall Church and one of the houses was (literally) across from the church.

So Sunday morning, I starred at the house, for while and thought, Hey, there is hope. Very affordable property, in the same area, but still, very affordable. We could actually be debt free in a couple years (not even a mortage,know what I'm saying, like "Duggars-style" debt free!). So I decided to take a drive a different way to see the other property. It was a cult-de-sac, very private property, and when I saw it, I just thought to myself: "That's it, this is my house!". I went back home, got Steve and brought him to see it. He wasn't as entusiastic as I was, but thought it was nice.

We went to see the inside of it today and we're putting an offer on it this week. Since this is a repo property we're putting cash in, in hopes that we'll get it. There's a real estate agent coming here tomorrow to do a market analysis so we could give it to the bank... I would love to live there. Now, I now that God might have a different plan for me, and if He does it's ok. I just have a good feeling about this property and would love to live there! My heart is filled with hope. I want that nice little house around the mountain.

Happy Sabbath

2010-08-27T11:18:00.000-04:00

Friday is the best day of the week, I will run like crazy sometimes trying to get everything done, but then the weekend is here, my husband is home to help with little miss, and it's just good. I love the Sabbath.

Sara has a new habit. Saying "Oh my gaaaawd", when she is frustrated. I don't like that, you know, because of one of the commandments, and I have no idea where it come from. She come back from my mother-in-law saying that last week...but my MIL does not seem to say that. Now she says that in her sleep (when she needs to go potty). It's actually funny, if it wasn't so disrespectful. It's hard to keep from laughing at a 19 month old saying that with great emphasis. I'm kind of waiting and seeing what to do. Maybe she will forget about it in a couple weeks? hoping.

Business is starting to open in a whole bunch of possibilities. One of the local hospitals wants to put me on their staff, and then they would let me see my patients independently. That means I'll do my own billing, but on the other hand I can charge as much as I want and don't have to pay lease/rent. So I'm thinking to open my schedule 1 or 2 half days there. Of course, there is a whole application process (why do they charge $200 for me to apply for a staff position?), and I have to order a sound booth. The hospital has a nursing home next door and I'm already negotiating a contract with their administrator. It seems that it will work, maybe 2 evenings a month. I'm also applying for a part-time (2 days a week) job on an ENT's office. The salary is not great, but from what I heard there's a commission of gross sales, and I'd love, love being in the "fast lane" again if you know what I mean. Two days a week would be perfect for that. It would still give me enough Sara time and a good income. Maybe. Maybe I'll freak out before I have to leave her with someone else. Who knows?

House hunting it's a nightmare. Found a house I loved, lost it because of an incompetent real estate agent (that was looking after her own self/commission). Then everything else seems so tiny or ugly, or in the flood zone. And none in the right location. I just wish the Lord will send me a vision, a dream or a letter saying: move here! This is my choice for you. Sometimes He doesn't work that way. Gotta learn to listen to his gentle voice in the small day to day events.

Summer is over, I can't believe it. Tessa will be back in school and busy, we can expect some fight in court in the next few months (from her mom who just try to annoy as much as she can). Not looking forward to that, but I know who we have on our side, a powerful God.
Summer leaves the memory of spending time with my Grandma, that was great. She is back at home and her diabetes is still controlled with the diet she started here. Hipertension is not so great, and she refuses to drink the amount of water she needs to lower it, or to go out and exercise. I understand though. She is 82 and the bathroom is a far away land.

Marriage is great. Hoping all my friends and family would have a good relationship in their life. My husband, let me say, it's the best. I love being married to him, and I can't wait for the next 50 years! Yeah, this is what living happily ever after is.

Sorry, I'm naked.

2010-08-22T02:00:00.003-04:00

Saving this list here because I'm erasing my design. I apologize if you got a million of my posts on your feed. I don't know if you did, but if you did, sorry. I merged all my blogs which was pretty easy, since they were all on blogger. And I erased a whole bunch of blogs today. Can't believe I posted all my private thoughts here, I feel naked. Ok, now to organize and redesign this blog.

Have a baby!
pre conception check
schedule vasectomy reversal
Due 7/7 $3500-Hospital fees
Due 7/9 $800-Anestesia fees
Due 3/28 $500-Deposit
Follow up labs (pre concep ck)
Book flight: 7/9
Book hotel:7/8-18
Book car rental:7/9
DH: VR Pre surgical labs
Due 6/12 $6700-Surgeon fees
Pre Surgery labs: July 9
VR surgery: July 10
take prenatals
chart fertility cycles:
My chart/GRAFICO
11 lbs by 3/10/08
thesis review by 3/1/08
meet advisor by 3/10/08
Defend by 4/10/08

Introverts, extroverts, one blog or two.

2010-08-22T01:00:00.003-04:00

So here are some disconnected or not, thoughts at 1:15 a.m.

* So I have 2 blogs, Madam Bee and Baby Bee. Well, actually there are more than 2, those are just the public known ones.. I don't know why I did this, Why did I split myself in multiple blog personalities...I guess it was necessary at one point...
When i was writing my thesis for example I had to write some heavy stuff. I need to get that out, I needed the relief but I didn't want to be judged so I started a thesis blog. I could have just put the stuff in a personal diary, but I loved the feedback from those that did read my blogs. In addition to having multiple blogs I also have a conflict of languages. Never know if I should write in one language then translate, but seriously who has the time for that. On the other hand... what happens to the other language, am I going to loose it? Probably. I guess at one point I will.

* I was reading a friend's blog today and I was admiring her ability to just talk to strangers, be a complete social butterfly and wishing this was easier to me. I don't like parties, I mean I do. I'm just not good at them. Sometimes. Sometimes I am. It's just really a lot of work to try to keep up with conversation with someone I don't know. It's just as painful as having dental work really sometimes. Some of you wouldn't be able to tell, because I fake a lot.

* I'm fighting the urge to erase this whole post, but I'm not going to. I think I need to merge my blogs. I need to be able to be one again, a whole person and not be afraid of being judged. So what if people are shocked by some of my ideas... so what if I'll be judged? I want to be able to just write my feelings, happenings or whatever else I need or want. Pictures of my baby girl, complains about life, talks about work, Filosofia (how do you spell that in English?), anything... I think I want to be a whole person, just myself in one cyber place. My first blog was Lucy's Journey, and I want to go back to that.

*went back to my original blog a couple minutes ago and found out it's dead! but I was able to find it on a handy dandy web archive! http://web.archive.org rocks!

now to find a way to merge all my blogs in one.

So here is what happened

2010-07-08T17:12:00.000-04:00

[theme song] # It's a jungle out there / Disorder and confusion everywhere / No one seems to care / Well I do / Hey, who's in charge here? / It's a jungle out there / Poison in the very air we breathe / Do you know what's in the water that you drink? / Well I do, and it's amazing / People think I'm crazy, 'cause I worry all the time / If you paid attention, you'd be worried too / You better pay attention / Or this world we love so much might just kill you / I could be wrong now, but I don't think so / It's a jungle out there #

Theme song from the Monk. And here is what happened.

Grandma Maria, 84.y.o. cute strong willed lady from Brazil. Conditions: Hypertension, diabetes type II, heart disease (type unknown).
2 days ago her glucose levels went down all day and then dropped to 26! An ambulance ride, ER and 48 hours later she is back to normal and off her diabetes meds.

Back in Brazil Dona Maria used to eat lots of bread, coffee and cuzcuz (a type of corn bread that is very rich in carbs). Her other nutrition source was rice, beans and chicken. Despite the high blood pressure she loved to add salt and fat to her diet.

Coming over here was a big change to her. We made her eat all types of different (vegetarian) food, whole wheat bread, veggies, and we didn't offer any of her daily friends: strong coffee (worse than expresso really), and salt.
She complained daily of this treatment until this episode. She lost a little weight and morned her salt and caffeine.

So now, after this very interesting episode, and after being monitored on the hospital for 48 hours, it seems her glucose levels are lower than they used to be and she can no longer be called diabetic?

She has gastroparesis which makes her not absorve food as fast, so we need to keep an watch on her sugar levels for a while.

The week that started full of drama (well, I'm still recovering), ended well, since all she has to do now is eat what I make her, because is making her better (and don't complain about it grandma!!!). Dometimes to be better you need to be worse first... now that the "sugar-steeler" medication is no longer on her system, she can eat this diet again and preserve her sight and hopefully improve her other symptoms overtime. We are praying about it anyway! God's willing....The next couple days will prove or disprove this theory. I could be wrong now but I don't think so.

thankful

2010-06-18T23:59:00.001-04:00

technically still Friday?

I'm thankful:

1) this week is over.

2) Sara is alive and well, and she knows who I am, and is back to her normal self.

3) My grandma is coming from Brazil tomorrow!

4) I sleep besides the most handsome/kind/amazing man in the world.

5) I'm so thankful for my husband's family and their support.

6) Sara is asleep and I have a few minutes to myself, I really enjoy this "me" time.

7) In the end everything works well.

Choo Choo

2010-06-05T01:06:00.006-04:00

The language and speech train is starting to go really, really fast.
There are so many new words, I can't honestly write them all down. She has been such a blessing in my life. I wish God would bless me with 10 more, just like her... but I know that would not be possible. She is unique, wonderfully made. What a personality. The next 10 I have will have their own amazing ways too, I know.

My favorite things:
Uh-uh, aww!, Tah (Tessa), Daddy - Dadda, mamma - mammy, Me! (looking at the mirror, putting her dad's hat on and off). Smiling at herself. Kissing herself in the mirror.
Asking to be nursed: mamma-mamma-mamma-mamma-mamma-mamma-mamma-mamma-mamma-mamma!
getting all excited because she knows I'll answer to her request: giggle, giggle, smile, giggle.
Night-night.
byeeeee.
Jjjjj (uncle Jr)
Nina! (aunt Marina)
vovo'! (portuguese grandma)
pap! (grandpa)
xixi! (portuguese for I gotta go pee)

Then she will try to immitate anything you say.

And there are things she does not say it often, but she knows in both languages:
stinky feet, most body parts, kiss.
She loves to sing and play the piano... you can tell she really feels the music.

She is too wonderful and I love her so much. And I'm so thankful for my husband and I can't even explain how great of a dad he is and how much my love for him has grown ever since I had this baby. I absolutely lost my gift for writing and I won't even try to correct this post. I need to register those precious moments before they fade, so no time to look back today, just thinking and blogging. If you read this far, here's a bonus. Baby loves mommy's high heels:

The petition

2010-05-28T00:53:00.002-04:00

Plese take a few minutes to sign this petition:
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/return-dominic-johansson-to

To contact the Swedish Social Services Committee, please follow this link:
http://www.hslda.org/hs/international/Sweden/201005060.asp

As I read their blog and visited their facebook page, specially the comments on the discussion thread... my heart is broken for this family. I can't help but hold my daughter tighter and closer to me...

I pray Lord, that You, the Hand that moves the universe would comfort this mom's heart and give her strenght to go through this storm in her life. Bless this dad with patience above understanding and please Lord help Dominic to be returned to this family as soon as possible. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Here is their blog:
http://friendsofdomenic.blogspot.com/

Here's their facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=346022854609

Afternoon in the park

2010-05-20T20:47:00.005-04:00

One would think that as a stay at home mom I should probably spend all day in the park with baby. Really? who would think that, Oh! yeah, those that think that staying at home is the easiest job in the world and you do nothing). Well, I don't. It's hard to explain exactly how busy and relaxed, and stressed (ALL AT ONCE!) a day at home can be with a little toddler. With my toddler anyway. It seems everywhere you go there are so many "easy" babies out there. And when I take my little beam out and she is the most well behaved princess (for the first 15 seconds anyway), people are constantly commenting on how "easy" she is. I wish people wouldn't say that, but I digress.

Back to the day in the park. I just spent a whole hour in the park with her since she was born. She is 16 months and 2 days and finally really enjoying the slide, climbing equipment, stones, flowers, grass, and of course the ride to the park in her little push car:

What a joy it is to watch her climbing up and down the first step of the playhouse, and try to climb the other side (for the big kids). She plays joyfully, carefree, unless of course mom interrupts her exploration of the dirt (does it taste good?) to tell her Nooooo!!! (really in a panic mode). And the joy that she brings me back when she immitates me... noooo, nooo... nao poh! (don't do it, or in Portuguese, nao pode).

This Sunday I took her to Knoebels by myself, and on the first ride I cried. Sara was fine. But I was too touched by the moment. It was the little train ride that goes all over the park. Sara was so amused by the ride it was such a privilege to watch her curious little eyes. I remembered when I was praying God will bless me with her and the tears just kept coming down. Thank you God, you are amazing, I'm so thankful for my little beam.

If I don't write this, it will just fade away...

2010-04-22T23:17:00.004-04:00

...all those little and big milestones I mean. I don't want them to ever fade from my memory... Oh, I wish...

My cute baby is now a very agile, oh-so-full-of-energy, independent and strong-willed(sp?) toddler.

Some of her "firts"

Yesterday: First day with no accidents, one pair of underwear all day long. She said please (peeeace).

She can say: Dad (Da-da), Mom (Ma-ma), I want to nurse (Ma-ma!Ma-ma!Ma-ma! accompanied by nursing/milk sign), Up, Down, Cheese (teeace), Tessa (Tah), Bye-bye (buh buh), Ball (Bah), Dog (wah-wah), Juice (sss, accompanied by juice sign), pizza (pee), car (vroom-vroom),

She can sign: wash hands, eat, all done, more, please, thank you, dog, cat, doll, car, shoes, hat.

She makes sound of: dog, horse, potty sounds (blowing rasperries). She immitates people talking on the phone and will laugh and smile, and blow kisses. Points to body parts (nose, hair, head, ear, mouth, hands, belly button, eye, feet).

She dances to any music, happy, sad, it does not matter. As long as is music, she is moving.

She loves, loves, loves playing the piano.

She recognized my video-otoscope today and went crazy! Wanting to get her ears on screen... you can tell her mom is an audiologist.

She is my sunshine and warms my heart everyday. Pictures soon... just needed to share all her wonderful things here.

Day 1

2010-01-01T20:00:00.000-05:00

Food Journal

Breakfast - none

Lunch - 5 passatempo cookies - 134 CAL, 6g fat, Na 74 mg

Dinner - Hot dogs 3

Citizenship

2009-10-10T01:31:00.000-04:00

It's done, I'm an american. Man it feels weird to even write this. Am I? What am I?
I read so many posts of immigrants describing how they feel "in the middle of the road"... not fully conecting with the people of their native land, not fully fitting in with the newly embraced country. I never thought I'd feel like that. It's hard to describe exactly what is going on in my heart, but I tell you some ramdom thoughts (it seems is the standard for this blog):
- The other day I watched a brazilian channel online (Globo), and at the time they were telling some jokes, doing some light comedy. I was absolutely offended by the jokes and didn't think it was funny. It's weird, but just a couple years ago I would have laughed, but my view of life has changed (and so much!) and I couldn't, I can't. I just felt like I wanted to throw up when I heard them actually. Weird, very weird feeling that is.
- I still have an accent, there are so many words that I don't know. I still learn new English words every day. And I have been here what? 8 years? I guess when you spend your first 20 or so years in a different land you miss the opportunity to really embrace the whole vocabulary, there is a loss of context. So my peers would have an extra 20 years of English vocabulary and culture that I was not expose to. I don't know. It makes me feel frustrated to sometimes try to communicate my thoughts and being laughed at, or misunderstood, or whatever. People just don't get my thoughts, except when i write them, that seems to make it a bit better, still... who wants to write everything they want to say? Sometimes a thought is so clear on my brain and I try to transmit it... it gets lost and people misunderstand, and then I rephrase, and they go "OH! you meant (fill in the blank)"? I feel ridiculous for not being able to get through to those people the first time around. I'm a speech language pathologist and communication was so easy a decade ago when I did it in Portuguese.
- And because I still have a slight accent and always will have, and because my English is great but not impecable, I feel that I'm different and don't fit in with a lot of people, specially when they start saying stuff about other countries, and saying things like "I know the other people hate us americans" (not true!) or "people should just stop coming to this country" and bla bla bla. I don't know, I feel like the outsider (not all the times but enough that its kind of annoying). and then, when I'm asked "where are you from?". What should I aswer? I feel I'm from everywhere.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is what is was:
- The test was not bad, although it's true, a lot of native-born americans would not pass this test. And then there was some really nice moments:

1) They offered same day cerimony, which was awesome because I really didnt' want to drive to Pittsburgh twice. Although we loved Pitt, such a lovely place. That was a very pleasant surprise to get there and find out I could just get it all done in one day. Although psychologically I didn't have enough time to prepare being an american this fast. I was told the oath cerimony would only be next year.
2) when I left the interview room and was done with my test, Sara saw me and started to clap and smile and say "Ma". It's like she was really cheering up for me.
3) when I went up front to get my certificate she started saying "ma-ma"... (you know right at that moment when everyone is silent?) it was so cute, like she was saying, "that's my mom!"
4) I'm really happy to be done with paperwork and paying fees (about $700) everytime I needed to renew documents.

But most of all I'm at peace and I'm glad to be an american, and I'm always going to have my brazilian heritage in my heart too. They showed a "God bless America" video and that made me cry. Very corny I am, I know. When I think about America, I'm just so lucky to have my husband and my daughter, I'm thankful for America.

Ramdom picture

2009-08-26T23:56:00.001-04:00

posting this picture for a friend

I dream of a nap

2009-08-14T11:06:00.000-04:00

I so want to sleep! Wish I had a good babysitter handy. zzzzz

4 Teeth

2009-08-12T01:46:00.002-04:00

in less than 2 weeks. All I can say, is "God have mercy!".
on the plus side: She babbles now - happily mama, papa, baba, nenem (baby in portuguese). She also immitates speech. I love to hear her little voice!

Today's to-do's.

2009-08-12T01:36:00.000-04:00

Need to:
- Go to farmer's market and get some veggies!!! The only left thing in our garden is turnips and green peppers - there is nothing healthy in the fridge.
- Plan menu for the week.
- Pay bills, plan for the next couple months, balance check books.
- Start making materials for homeschooling.
- Clean this whole house with a toothbrush in prepation for possible show/sale.
- Price equipment to start my business.
- Try to get some sleep. Try to eat something during the day, this lack of sleep and nutrition is starting to make me cranky (PPD?).
- Substitute chocolate for exercise. (same above)
- Start taking my temperature daily.
- Oh, yeah... and take care of the almost 7 month old.

So if the last item on my item cooperates an stops growing teeth overnight, meaning, if there is less fussiness I'll try to accomplish the other items on the list. Otherwise, forget it. I should probably be sleeping.

Day 3 - Support!

2009-06-28T01:38:00.000-04:00

So amazing how God know exactly what one needs, before one even asks for it. And how He answer prayers exactly at the time you need. And even some prayers from long ago?

I was at potluck today completely distracted with baby in hands, when I spotted this lady being surround by other people that were aparently surprised she had a tomato, an avocado & some other food on her plate. I heard:
- Is that all your going to eat? You're not going to eat anything we cooked?

My thoughts were: No way! she is going raw!? awesome, we need to talk. To make a story short she is going raw and had prayed for support. And as you all know I'm just starting my own raw journey (baby steps, though)... it was a great feeling to find someone else with a similar thought... it just made my day actually. We've decided to support each other, so I think I made a new friend at my own church!

So Day 3 was successful... I started a support system and drank plenty of water. Yes, people, my days are not exactly one after the other, I'm skipping a day or two. I'm giving myself time and space, and I'll go one day at a time to reach my final goal (see day one for optional vision of who I want to be).

That being said, Sunday is the family reunion and my goals for today are:

- Drink lots of water, more than yesterday.
- Eat 5 raw things.

ps. I'm also recruiting my friend Keiko to go over the raw food materials. Hopefully she will find some time between doing all she does (doctorate, toddler, newborn, husband, house, etc).

Day 2 - despite the trip

2009-06-26T00:37:00.000-04:00

Despite taking a trip to connecticut, I did day 2, and all was great: lots of raw food. We happen to go to a buffet for dinner on our way there, and surprisingly all I could take was raw food, everything else seemed icky.

Then there was the weekend: Saturday, went to a Brazilian Church, my mom got a place because I was feeding the baby... it was a load of carbs and cook food, not one single lettuce leaf, nothing green or uncooked. Delicious food, yes, but nothing raw.
I think that's where the emotional connection to food comes into place. I knew it was bad food and I still had it because it was brazilian food and I just HAD to have it. So that brings me to the topic of trigger foods. What are my trigger foods? anything brazilian, specially chocolate. On the way back I ate a whole bag of "passatempo" cookies... mmm... delicious.

Ok, but the worst thing about the trip to Connecticut was the trip in itself. It was so hard to have the baby in the car crying, and communicating she needed to go to the bathroom (and we couldn't stop every 30 minutes)... that I was exhausted Monday, till now... and tomorrow (soon anyway) it's the weekend again, and there is potluck and a family picnic. The point of this diary thing is not to give up though... so I hope to keep going.

Day 1 - Inspiration

2009-06-18T00:24:00.000-04:00

Today I:
- Ate 2 raw things: a green herb that I can't remember the name and goji berries.
- Made a concious effort (not so great though) of drinking water.

Goals for tomorrow:
- Plan a menu, drink more water, eat 3 raw things.

1 a.m. again, gotta rest.

old blog - blog antigo

2009-06-17T01:21:00.002-04:00

I'm reviving my old blog to post about a journey I'm starting to take that will definetely have a great impact on Sara. It includes going back to being a vegetarian and trying to be healthier. Here is the address: http://madambee.blogspot.com/

Estou ressucitando meu antigo blog pra escrever a respeito de uma nova jornada que estou comecando... isso vai ter um grande impacto na Sara. Inclui voltando a ser vegetariana e tentar ser mais saudavel. Desculpem queridos, mas esta' apenas em ingles pela falta de tempo de traduzir pro Portugues. o endereco esta' acima.

Challenge - and a post that does not make sense

2009-06-17T00:39:00.000-04:00

Last time I stepped on a scale I lost 40 lbs. To be honest, it was not that impressive: 20 lbs ?? during the birth of my daughter and the next 20 by breastfeeding. Now, 40 lbs later I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight and have a little lovely pouch on my mid section, extra tissue in my tights, arms, etc. I'll stop the description here, since I don't want anyone to imagine me without clothes. That's not the points of this. The point of this post is that I am still 50 lbs heavier than 7 years ago when I stepped foot at JFK and had no idea what Bloomsburg would look like. And I have arthritis.

Just 7 years ago, I spoke Portuguese 99% of the time. I had no way of imagining I would meet the love of my live in a country town, and live where people ride buggies everyday. I took the public transportation (read crowded bus) to school and work. Rewind. Just 7 years ago I remember walking down from the university campus apartments to the Bloomsburg Hospital - to observe my supervisor testing babies' hearing. The supervisor had asked me if I planed to have babies, and I answered: no, there are too many babies in this world, if anything I'd adopt. I had no idea I would give birth to a beautiful baby girl, 7 years later on the same floor, just doors away from the same place. I didn't know It would take me longer to finish the only thing I though I was going to be doing here: my master's in Audiology. The master's turned out to be a doctorate, and 7 years later - here I am. With a doctorate, but really, right now my daughter is my world and what I thought would be my main goal - it's my secondary (and still worth pursuing of) goal.

But the point of this post is to write down my first step to rewinding a bit, and recovering some things that do not need to be lost. I mean: health, good shape, an arthritis-free body? (that would be lovely!), free & clear mind (I feel really cloudy lately), and maybe less pain (OK, arthritis again!).

I want to be able to run and be physically active. I'm 30 years old and I feel I'm 60. My beautiful Sara is starting to become more and more mobile... how in the world am I going to be able to keep up with her in this crippled body?

I wish I could write this post in Portuguese too, but the reality of it is I write English everyday and I have very little time (it's 1 am and I need sleep), and translating would be too much work. So English it is.

Yes, if this post makes no sense it's because I AM rambling, and organizing my thoughts.
Because I started so many "diets" before (I have a diary full of tries that just brought my weight higher and higher up)... I think it would be a good idea to have some accountability to my actions by posting... well, online. So, maybe a kind soul would read it and cheer me up on the way, or even shame me for my bad choices? I don't know. I want to try.

Fact #1. I bought an online raw food lifestyle plan, with information on raw foods and weight loss.
(http://www.rawreform.com/). I'll tell you upfront I will not be 100% raw food, but I'm aiming for a higher rate than currently (amazing, but this week I had almost nothing raw!)...After reading several articles and watching some of their TV shows on youtube, I know a lot of their principles are the exact same ones I had 7 years ago, when I was a vegetarian and very conscious of my health.

So here I am, day one. I need to answer some questions, brainstorm and set a goal for my life.

Questions:
What am I doing here? What is my mission in life? What is my optimal vision of who I want to be? What motivates me? What is my bliss in life? What I want to be doing? Where do I want to be living? What does the ultimate me looks like? What is your relationship with food?

And here are the answers:
I am a daughter of God. My mission in life is to learn, to submit myself to His will - to hopefully reflect my creator to those around me, to guide with love and compassion the kids He entrusted me with. My main mission is to be in heaven one day, to serve and praise God, and hopefully help others to walk the same path. The optimal vision of who I want to be includes: a good wife & mother. I also want to help my community - whether with music, audiology, sign language, foreign languages, whatever.
My motivation is love. I love my God, my husband, my family. I want to be good, I want to be just a foreigner in this world. I dislike evil. The ultimate me looks healthy, and even though my current relationship with food is not healthy I want to be able to not put food above any of those previously mentioned goals. I want to break the chains of refined sugar and flour/starches and go back to being so close to God. I believe there is a cloud that has been disrupting me from seeing all my goals, and with the power of God this chain can be broken. And to be clear the cloud is not food, but food contributes to it. It's like I'm being distracted. I want to be focused again.
And I know that, to accomplish this, I need the power of prayer in my life. I can't believe I have skipped praying. My soul is starving. I pray that whoever is reading this would also decide to re-evaluate their mission in this world, and ask for God's help to accomplish it.
I'm off to bed, tomorrow I'll write more.

Turned down a job

2009-05-29T20:39:00.003-04:00

Yes, in this economic crisis I turned down a job. It would be to start a practice from scratch with an ENT practice to serve my favorite hospital in the area. Build everything from scratch, hearing aids, employees test, the works. Sounds awesome right? Except for the long hours. The workload would not allow me to spend much time with the Sara, it would be very intense. So, I was sad (guilty?) for 1 hour or two, thinking, well, that it was a good professional opportunity. But then Sara was giggling and talking to me and everything was fine again. I'm going to wait for something that would give me more time with her. She is just going to be this old once. Jobs came and go. I'm blessed to have her cuddles and to experience each and every ones of her "firsts".

18 weeks today (18 semanas hoje)

2009-05-24T20:49:00.003-04:00

And she decided there is nothing better in this world than... daddy.
yes, she was mad (screaming and sweating) every time I picked her up today. She would extend her arms to daddy and her face would be red. Then he would pick her up and the storm was gone. Oh the joys of being a stay at home mom. Good thing her favorite person happens to be my favorite person too. And the poor man come home with 13 stiches around his eye, 3 mm away from loosing his sight (acident at work). Our hero.

Ela decidiu que nao tem ninguem melhor nesse mundo a nao ser... papai.
yes, ela ficou brava (ate' suando e gritando) todas as vezes que eu a segurei hoje. Extendia os bracinhos pro papai e seu rostinho ficava vermelho como tomate. Ai ele a segurava e era como se a tempestade houvesse passado. Oh alegria de estar em casa "full-time". Ainda bem que a pessoa favorita dela e' a minha tambem. E o pobre homen chegou em casa com 13 pontos ao redor do hoje, 3 mm mais pra cima e ele teria perdido a visao (acidente no trabalho). Nosso heroi.

4 month doc appointment (Consulta de 4 meses)

2009-05-19T16:38:00.004-04:00

16 lbs 12 oz (97%)
26.5 inches (97%)
16.25 head circumference (50%)

7.6 kg (97%)
67.31 cm (97%)
41.27 circumferencia (50%)

Yey Exclusive Brestfeeding!!!

Viva a Amamentacao exclusiva!!!

Desperate Housewife (dona de casa desesperada)

2009-04-27T09:31:00.003-04:00

So yesterday I put Daddy in charge of baby and finally got my pile of dishes done and made dinner. Ugh, I swear never again to let this pile up. It's so more time consuming and stressful. Of course my baby decided she didn't want to nap AT ALL all day, so my cleaning plan didn't work too well. The kitchen is in serious need of tidying up. Anyway, right now she is napping on me, but I'm exhausted, I'm going to take a nap too, even if it's only 30 minutes. It's only 9:30 a.m. and I felt like I ran a marathon. But one thing for sure, I do love this little girl. I just feel like smothering her with kisses and hugs, and lots of love. She is so precious. She is growing too fast, and this is the only time she will be this tiny - the dishes can wait. I must try to post pictures later.

Now... would you share with me your secret for a clean house, while having a happy baby and well-fed family? How do all the moms out there do it all? I'm joining Flylady today. Again.

Ontem coloquei o nenem aos cuidados do papai e fui lavar louca e fazer janta. Credo, nunca mais vou deixar louca acumular assim. Parece que leva mais tempo pra limpar, e e' mais estressante. E' claro que a bebe nao quis tirar nem uma sonequinha o dia inteiro, entao meus planos de limapr tudo nao funcionaram. Anyway, ela esta' tirando uma sonequinha em cima de mim agora e eu estou exausta, vou tirar uma sonequinha tambem, nem que sejam apenas 30 minutos. E' apenas 9:30 da manha e parece que eu ja' corri uma maranota. Mas de uma coisa tenho certeja. Eu amo essa meninha, vou cobri-la de beijinhos e abracos. Ela e' tao preciosa. E esta' crescendo muito rapido. A louca pode esperar, ela so' vai ser pequeninha assim uma vez. Vou tentar colocar fotos mais tarde.

Agora... por favor compartilhe comigo... qual e' o seu segredo para uma casa limpa, ao mesmo tempo em que o bebe esta' feliz e a familia bem nutrida? Como sera' que as mamaes ao redor do mundo fazem isso? Vou me inscrever no site da Flylady hoje. De novo.

Ramdom thoughts (pensamentos aleatorios)

2009-04-22T09:07:00.005-04:00

I changed this post title a couple times. Because I still don't make sense, I'm just going to list some thoughts.
1.Being a mother It's the hardest job I ever had.
2.Being a wife? easy. Husband is the best.
3. Being a home teacher? stressful once in a while when your only student is a pre-teen (read: moody, constantly changing, etc). But rewarding in knowing she is safe and thriving. And I'm having the opportunity to educate her.
4. I wish I was a home diva, and it makes me sad when I can't have this house spotless. I've been trying to go through a pile of dishes since Sunday. But with having less sleep in 3 days than I normally have in a night, I've come with terms that it will have to wait.
5. Audiology? I need to buy equipment. I'm scared to start my own practice, but I think I have to do it.
6. Medical transcription. I'm taking a class - for fun and so I don't forget the medical terminology and If I make minimum wage on my spare time, why not. It's more for the fun of it really.
I had a couple crying sessions yesterday, felt a little overwhelmed with my many jobs. Sara is teething and, oh Lord have mercy. She would not stop crying (the "I'm in pain" cry that breaks my heart). Thank God for baby Tylenol. And here something I hear over and over and is so cliche, but very true - It's hard, but she is all worth it. She is.

Nightime dry (me ajudem a traduzir esse titulo)

2009-04-21T09:18:00.003-04:00

all I can say is.... she slept 7.5 hours today and when she woke up she was dry!!! wooohooo!
I'm washing less and less diapers. I just have 24 cloth diapers. When I first started cloth diapering I was washing diapers everyday, now I'm down to maybe 2, 3 times a week (when she is not feeling good or I'm distracted).
She keeps doing the "brrr" sound to ask to go to the bathroom, but not always. Sometimes I think she is just too occupied with playing: starring at the monkey, or the zebra, trying to eat her hand or toys or just plain tired.
Oh, and she is teething... all I'm going to say about that is: ouch.

Ok, como se fala isso em Portugues? A Sara dormiu 7.5 horas ontem e acordou com a fralda sequinha! uuuu-huuuu! Estou lavando menos fraldas a cada dia. Eu so' tenho 24 fraldas de pano. Quando comecamos a usar a fralda de pano eu tinha que lavar fraldas todo dia, mas agora e' somente 2 ou 3 por semana (nos dias que ela nao se sente bem ou eu estou distraida). Ela continua fazendo o som "brrr" quando quer ir ao banheiro, mas as vezes nao pede. Acho que as vezes ela esta' ocupada brincando: olhando pro macaquinho, pra zebra, tentando comer a mao ou os brinquedos ou apenas cansada. Ah, e os dentinhos estao pra nascer... a unica coisa a dizer a respeito dessa ultima noticia e': ai.

Her first "word"

2009-04-15T23:46:00.004-04:00

ok, not really a word, but it's functional. Blowing rasperries. We started the Elimination Communication* at 5 weeks. At 10 weeks, following some wonderful advice I started "blowing raspberries" every time she elimminates, instead of doing the "ssss" sound. At 11 weeks 6 days she surprised me, we were at Target and she started doing a sound that resembled "blowing raspberries". I took her to the bathroom and lo and behold... she needed to go. Same thing happened when I got to the homeschool co-op. I thought It might be a fluke so I gave it a couple days... well, today she has managed to tell me 80% of the time that she needed to go. The other 20% it seems she was just excited to make the sound, or telling me about what she just did...So there you go! Babies are aware of their eliminations needs. Yes, as crazy as it sounds babies have bladder/bowel control awareness from the moment they are born. I need to shoot more videos because today she is really talking and describing what she is doing. Also, Notice the tightening of abdominal muscles. Isn't it awesome that at this early age she can already communicate her need to use the bathroom?! I think so! I mean, this afternoon she even stopped nursing and blew raspberries to tell me she needs to go. I take her to the bathroom and voila! Then we resumed nursing. She is clean, comfortable and happy, and I don't need to change dirty diapers (not many anyway) or try to figure it out why she is fussy when nursing... Here is the little video (don't worry, no poop is shown, although she is doing her business when this video is taken, at the end of every phrase to be more precise). Oh, also, please excuse the bathroom, it's an old house and we are working on reforming all rooms (well, maybe one day, anyway!)

* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elimination_communication
http://www.bornpottytrained.com/

Communication (comunicacao)

2009-04-09T14:54:00.005-04:00

That motherhood show got me thinking about different parenting styles and the way people communicate with kids. Tell me if this is aceptable to you:
- Telling your kids they are stupid or retarded.
- Telling your kids they are ugly and need to be in a diet.
- Screaming at the kids when you loose your patience.
Please take the survey bellow.

Esse Show a respeito da "maternidade" me deixou pensando a respeito de diferents tipos de relacoes pais e filhos tem e comunicacao. Me diz se vc acho que isso e' aceitavel:
- Dizer aos seus filhos que eles sao idiotas ou retardados.
- Dizer aos seus filhos que eles sao feios/gordos e precisam entrar numa dieta.
- Gritar com seus filhos quando voce perde a paciencia.
Por favor participe da pesquisa abaixo:

Please select your opinon. Por favor selectione sua opiniao. ( surveys)

In the motherhood

2009-04-09T14:33:00.004-04:00

Have you watched this show? it's on Abc.com, just click on free episodes. But really, don't. What a waiste of time...and blegh... what a horrible program. I didn't laugh once. I was expecting a show about mothers and babies... but that's not what the show is about. It's about detachment moms. You know, please don't crucify me and tell me I'm against working mothers. I'm not. I might even be a working mother one day. I'm against detachment parenting.

Anyway... the main character is a horrible working mother. she gets home, sees her kids screaming, turns around and leaves. Calls her girls, pretends she is working late. The kids stay with the "manny" while she goes out and have some drinks. The "manny" knows everything about the kids, she doesn't. One week she is on vacation and is alone with the baby and the manny is so worried she won't be able to take care of her he leaves notes all over the house (babies need to be fed). She can't comfort her own child, knows nothing about her...the other mom in the show is a liar, the other is a hypocritical cruncy granola mom...

Guys...How is that funny? really. It's a stupid show...if that's someone's reality, I'm sorry, but it's far from funny it's sad. I heard about "detachment parenting", what I didn't realize that it would shock me so much. Parents that know little about their kids and have little to do with them too, that's what that show is all about. I guess real attachment parenting is not always funny, and it wouldn't sell too well as a comedy show. For the casual observer, attachment parenting can be portraid as weird. So interesting how society "progressed" and how things change things. This type of motherly behaviour would be looked down a couple century ago, but it's acceptable (funny?) today. Of course there there were always the rich who could delegate the care of children to slaves or employees, in a time kids are to be seen but not heard... I don't know where I'm going with this post, I guess I'm lucky to have a good circle of attachment parents mom's, here and in Brazil. I'm not trying to go the "holier than thou" route, I'm not better than anyone. Maybe I'm just lucky to enjoy all of Sara's first moments and to have such a close relationship that hopefully (I pray) will be like that in the future too. But I'm shuting up now, I'm just rambling about this.

Tem um show novo na TV daqui chamado "Maternidade". Nao sei se da' para assistir ai no Brazil mas aqui e' so' ir no abc.com e clicar em "free episodes". Mas nem tente, nao vale a pena, que programa mais horrivel. Eu nao ri nem uma vez. Estava esperando um programa que relatasse maes e bebes de uma forma engracada... mas nao e' isso que o programa traz a telinha. E' a respeito de maes que nao se relacionam muito com seus filhos (o oposto de Attachment parenting, ou Detachment parenting). Por favor nao me crucifixe e me diga que sou contra as maes que trabalham. Nao sou, mesmo porque ha' a possibilidade de me tornar uma mae que trabalha fora de casa, mas o personagem principal... e' uma mae horrivel. Ela chega em casa e ve que as criancas estao gritando, e antes que as criancas as vejam, ela vira as costas, sai de casa e liga pras amigas. Enquanto as criancas estao com o baba', a mulher sai pra tomar umas com as amigas e liga pro baba' pra dizer que esta' fazendo hora extra. O Baba' sabe tudo a respeito das criancas e a mae nao sabe. Uma semana ela tira ferias e tem que ficar so' com a bebezinha, o baba' deixa notas ao redor da casa pra que ela saiba o que fazer (bebes precisam comer, etc). Ela nao sabe acalmar a sua propria filha e pra falar a verdade nao sabe muito a respeito dela. As outras duas mae do programa, uma e' uma mentirosa e a outra tem um estilo hippie/natural mas e' hipocrita. Serio, gente...onde esta' a graca nisso tudo? Que show mais idiota. Desculpe, mas e' triste, nao engracado. Eu ouvi falar de "detachment parenting", o que eu nao esperava e' que fosse me chocar assim. Pais que nao sabem nada a respeito de seus filhos e passam muito pouco tempo com eles. Acho que o oposto, "attachment parenting" nao venderia bem na TV. Para o observador casual, esse tipo de comportamento pode ate' ser esquisito. Tao interessante como a sociedade tem "progredido". Ha' alguns seculos atras o comportamento das maes desse programa seria ridicularizado, desprezado. Hoje e' dia e' aceitavel, ate' engracado. E' claro que existia os ricos que tinham ama-de-leite e escravos a disposicao das criancas, onde criancas deveriam ser vistas nas nao permitidas a falar.Nao sei , sei que estou falando de mais nesse post. Acho que sou sortuda de ter um bom circulo de amigas que praticam attachment parenting, aqui e no Brazil.
Talvez eu seja sortuda demais de ter o privilegio de estar aqui pra todos os primeiros momentos da Sarinha. E digo de novo, nao estou tentando dar uma de "santinha", nao sou melhor do que ninguem, so' expressando uma opiniao. Espero e oro para que minha relacao com a Sara seja cada vez mais proxima a medida que os anos se passem. Mas e' melhor eu parar por aqui com esse post sem sentido.

She has a voice!

2009-04-08T19:11:00.005-04:00

It started last week...It seems Sara finally has a voice of her own... each day she becomes more and more expressive. 11 weeks 3 days.
Comecou semana passada...Parece que a Sarinha finalmente tem uma voz... cada dia que passa mais e mais expressiva. 11 semanas, 3 dias.

Decisions

2009-04-08T07:46:00.003-04:00

Things I'm trying to decide:

- What type of displine to use with her. I was spanked when little and I'm trying to decide whether I'll do this or not when she is a little older. I don't know any other way personally, and I think I grew to be more respectful than many in my generation...but then again, I'm not particularly close to my mother. Everyone says you get closer to your parents are you have children. It is not the case, I don't want much to do with my mom (and yes, I feel guilty about even typing this, but it is the truth). I remember lots of love and hugs when I was little, but I don't ever remember hearing "I love you". I know people have different ways of loving it and saying is not always necessary. But the things that were said were not nice either, even recently. For example would you tell your pregnant daughter: "look at this nice picture of me when I was pregnant, not ugly like you". And there were more things said, but I'll stop here.

Things I know I want to do:

- Tell her how much I love her, every day. Be very affectionate.

- Tell her about God every day, help her memorize Bible texts.

- Early reading, as per Doman.

- Homeschool eventually (if we are still in this Country).

Everything is fine (tudo esta' bem)

2009-04-05T10:14:00.003-04:00

Root canal surgery was a sucess, I think. Sara was crying for the last 10 minutes of it, I could hear her from the waiting room. It was kind of nice to have her calming down so fast when she was in my arms, a lil selfish of me to say that, I know...Root canal procedures have come a long wait. I had one 18 years ago and it was pain and agony. This week was only 45 minutes long, the dentist used a microscope to treat the canals. Technology can be great - sometimes. Sara is sleeping on her swing, she loves that thing her grandma got her. When I'm tired of carrying her around I put her in the swing and turn some white noise one. She goes to sleep very fast. I'm still having back pain, really bad back pain. Physical therapy does not seem to be helping so much. Still waiting for the results of the MRI. Hopefully it will go away soon because I love carrying her in the sling and it's not possible sometimes.
Cirurgia de canal foi um succes, eu acho. A Sara chorou nos ultimos 10 minutos, dava pra ouvir ela da sala de espera. Foi bom ve-la se acalmar tao rapido quando eu finalmente a segurei, esse pensamento e' meu egoista, eu sei... Tratamento de canal progrediu muito nos ultimos anos. 18 anos atras quando eu fiz o mesmo tratamento foi so' dor e agonia. O dessa semana so' durou 45 minutes e o dentista usou um microscopio pra tratar os canals. Tecnologia pode ter otima - as vezes. A Sara esta' dormindo no balanco, ela adora o balanco que a vovo' deu. Quando estou cansada de carrega-la eu a ponho no balanco e ligo o "ruido branco" (chi, como se traduzir isso, eu deveria saber), e ela dorme rapidinho. Ainda estou com muita dor nas costar, bem ruim mesmo. Fisioterapia nao tem ajudado. Ainda estou esperando pelos resultados da imagem de ressonancia magnectica. Espero que passe logo pois eu adoro carrega-la no sling e nem sempre e' possivel.

Awesome Doc! (Medico Super!)

2009-04-03T00:11:00.003-04:00

By the way, I went to visit my OBGYN, and he is so much better than the creppy doctor I saw last time. Not only he disagrees with the other doctor (he said that Yes, I might be able to have a normal birth next time since I birthed a 8 lb 11 oz baby sucessfully), or I might consider a c-section if necessary, but he said (his exact words on this way out the door).
- Please go ahead and go make more babies, come see me again!
Thank God for caring doctors.

E mais uma coisa, foi visitar meu gineco e ele e' bem melhor que o medico esquisito que me viu na ultima consulta. Nao somente ele discorda com o outro medico (ele disse que SIM, eu posso ter um parto normal novamente ja' que dei a luz a um bebezinho de quase 4 kilos e com sucesso), ou posso consider uma cesaria se for o caso. Mas ele tb disse (suas palavras exatamente ao sair do consultorio)
- Por favor, va' fazer mais nenems e venha me ver de novo!
Gracas a Deus por profissionais que se importam.

Root Canal (Tratamento de Canal)

2009-04-02T22:37:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow I'm off to State College (yes! 1.5 hours away) to get a root canal treated. My local dentist can't fit me in until the end of May, and all other dentists not until the end of April. I guess there is no such thing as a "crisis" in the dentistry world. I'm so relieved our insurance will cover 80% of the bill.

I was very worried to take this long trip with my little one, but, thank God, a friend had offered to stay with Tessa and take her to the homeschool co-op. She was so kind and wanted to keep my baby too but I'm just not ready to be away from her for this long (at least 5 hours). And I hate pumping...I know, I'm spoiled, but I'm really enjoying my lil gal. So Thank God for Diane and Susan, two homeschool moms. The homeschool community is amazing. I know the readers from Brazil will be confused because homeschooling is illegal in Brazil, but I'm glad it's not in the U.S. These new friends of mine should all be called Rebecca, due to ther generosity and their will to do the work of God. Always providing for other's needs.

Little Sara is doing wonderful... trying to sit up already, can you believe it? rolling from supine to prone and back to supine. She laughs, giggles, coos, answers and immitates our speech. She is awesome. I still can't believe how lucky I am to have her. She loves kisses and hugs, songs and bath time. And daddy, she loves daddy. I promise to update more soon, just wanted to get this writing thing started, since I meant to write so many times, but never get to it. Hugs to all! (from Sara too)
------------------------
Amanha vou dirigir ate' a cidade de "State College" (sim 1.5 horas daqui de casa) pra tratamento dentario (canal). Meu dentista nao tem vaga ate' o final de Maio e os outros dentistas dessa area nao tem nada disponivel ate' o final de Abril. Pois e', nao existe crise pros dentistas. Estou aliviada de ter bom seguro saude, que vai cobrir 80% dos custos.

Eu estava bem preocupada em dirigir sozinha com minha pequeninha, mas gracas a Deus, uma amiga ofereceu levar a Tessa ate' a cooperative escolar. Ela foi tao boazinha e se ofereceu pra tomar conta da nenem tambem mas eu nao estou pronta pra ficar tanto tempo longe dela (5 horas no minimo). E tambem nao gosto de bomber leite (isso e' palavra em portugues? nem sei, gente!). Mas eu sei, estou mimada, mas estou curindo muito minha meninha. Mas entao, gracas a Deus pela Diane e Susan, duas maes que tambem ensinam seus filhos em casa. A comunidade de educacao em casa (inexistente no Brazil, ja' que educar o filho em casa e' ilegal por ai, eu sei, infelizmente)... e' uma comunidade maravilhosa. Todas as mulheres dessa comunidade deveria se chamar Rebecas, pois sao generosas e procurar fazer o trabalho de Deus. Suprindo necessidades.

A Sarinha esta' uma graca... tentando sentar ja'... da' pra acreditar? Ela rola da posicao supina pra prona e vice versa. Ela ri, dar gargalhada, faz uuu e aaaa, imita o nosso discurso. Ela e' maravilhosa. Ainda nao da' pra acreditar quao abencoada eu sou. Ela adora beijinhos, abracos, musica e hora do banho. E papai, especialmente papai. Prometo escrever mais logo, mas queria escrever um pouquinho pra desenferrujar. Abracos pra todos (da Sara tb).

Baby blues

2009-03-08T06:36:00.005-04:00

I didn't have much baby blues and I credit that to the abundance of love hormones that were released during labor, and breastfeeding. But last monday I went through an experience that made me have some real baby blues including feelings of inadequacy and poor body image. It was my 6 week post-partum appointment. There are 2 doctors at the Bloomsburg Hospital. Mine is the one that does 90% of deliveries, the other is a covering physician. When Sara decided to (finally) join this world, the other physician was on call. The physician that delivers you also does your post-partum check. I heard that this particular physician had a dry sense of humor, so I was prepared to expect whatever comes out of his mouth.

January 18th was a busy night, snow storm they say (changes in air pressure) are baby-friendly. So when I got to the hospital, there were already 2 deliveries. I was already so far along that I bet that physician though I was just going to "pop" my baby and he could go back to sleep. Well, that - didn't happen. I was stuck at 8 cm for 7 hours. Not definetely your everyday labor. It progressed differently, and we understood why when we found out she was "sunny side up" and I had so much fluid around her. Even though it was hard work, I didn't thought was that bad...yes it was very intense. However many people in the same situation had c-sections and I can totally suport this medical decision. A friend of mine who is also an audiologist just delivered her cute beautiful baby by c-section because of being in this predictament. Either way, the baby's position was a surprise to me. I didn't have an ultrassound on my last prenatal appointment that would measure the baby for size and position. As a matter of fact the only ultrassound that acutally measured the baby size was at around 20 weeks, when Sara was just on target, not too big or too small. It is argued ultrasounds are not reliable to predict baby size, with a deviation of + or - 1 lb.

Anyway, back to my appointment. Aparently I have an infection so I had to take a round of antibiotics and the doc... well. He doesn't have a dry sense of humor. He has poor bedside manners. Here is the quick dialogue we had after he was done examining me:

- Please don't have any more children, if you do, don't come see me.
- (shocked) That's not nice.
- (non chalant) Well, some people are build to have many children, some are meant to have none. I'm not saying anything else.
- (shocked) (silence) (leave the exam room to make a 1 month follow up appointment with the other doctor).

So really. That. Was. Rude.

If we were in Brazil, I know exactly what to do or tell people and this doctor would be in trouble for being rude to patients. Here... I don't think people really care because I told the secretary of the clinic and all she could say was:
- He is a piece of work, isn't he?

So. We are so spoiled in Brazil, you wouldn't think since it's in theory "a third world country" but the private health individuals actually have a healthy relationship with your doctors. Rotten spoiled better relationship. You are treated as a customer. There is always concern from the doctors part on being nice to its patients. I'm talking about OBGYNs that is, yes many doctors have the "god syndrome", but OBs and family doctors are generally quite friendly. So are pediatricians. Having an OBGYN physician back there is like having an old friend. This man or woman would probably have seen you since you were a teenager to educate you and answer any questions you had either about birth control or your body, whatever you need. I never expected to have a physician tell a hormonal woman that. So yes, I had a hard week on the baby blues part, I kept feeling inadequate, I kept feeling that I was built wrong, that my body didn't work. Then I remember. I went through 23 hours of labor and delivered a healthy beautiful baby girl, she is thriving. If I want to have any more children, if it's God's will to bless me one day... it will be a blessing. This doctor was way out of line.

I got a copy of the delivery report and he wrote in there the baby had shoulder dystocia (a very serious condition), and I'm very annoyed I didn't hear about this. I have an appointment with the other physician and I'll be discussing this with him, but, wow. I'm still shocked. Grr. I think the baby blues are gone though, my hearts keeps mealting every time my daughter smiles, she is so worth it all.

On another note I called Sara's pediatrician yesterday to ask a question about a rash she has in her face (probably alergic to almonds the poor thing). He called me back in less than 5 minutes and was so friendly! THAT is service. But then again, he is originally from overseas.

Where is the old me? (onde esta' o meu antigo eu?)

2009-02-20T10:14:00.006-05:00

I've been thinking lately about how unfun I've become. Ever since I become a mom, and I'm not talking about Sara, I'm talking about my step kids (step moms are moms too, m-kay?)... well, I've become so... boring. Because my husband, bless him, is the most lay back man on planet earth and because he is at work and I'm at home... I'm often enforcing discipline, catching kids doing things that they are not suppose to, and then I became... the evil step mom that tells them to go to bed, do their bed, pick up their toys (you'd be surprise the amount of toys teens have), do their chores... yes... they don't always love me. This year, I'm not sure if they were mad at me or what (probably), but on my birthday they didn't even say "happy birthday"... so I was contemplating not doing a party for their own birthday... but again, that would be the unfun me. I still don't know what to do.

But anyway, this morning while driving Stepdaughter to co-op, I just caught myself being so serious in the car mirror...I was upset... but I didn't want to be. So, where did my spontaneous laugh-unpredictable-creative-self go? But then again, what do I do, just let my teens run like wild horses and be disrespectful? They have to learn and I'm the one here, so it has to be from me.
I do miss my old self. And when I think about them and Sara, I want them to remember me as someone that was nice, not always grumpy and bossy, or frustrated.

Then I saw the video bellow on facebook and that reminded me of who I am, when I'm not yelling at teens anyway. You might not understand because it's "audiology humor", but I wanted to post over here. I used to be like this.

I remember being in middle school and dancing to a couple choreographs for the Olympie games at school... I need to go back to being my old self.

Estive pensando ultimento no quao entediante tenho me tornado. Desde que me tornei mae, e nao estou falando da Sara, estou falando dos meus afilhados (sim, pois "madrasta" apesar do termo negativo faz todo o trabalho de uma mae, se nao mais)... bem... tenho me tornado uma pessoa muito seria, menos divertida. Meu marido, Deus o abencoe, e' uma pessoa bem tranquila e por ele estar trabalhando na maioria das vezes, eu acabo me tornando a "madrasta malvada" e disciplinando as criancas, ensinando-os a fazer os trabalhos de casa (que eles nao gostam muito, os meu aborrecentes queridos). Estou sempre falando: "hora de dormir", "arrume seu quarto", etc. Entao da' pra imaginar que nem sempre me sinto amada por eles. Nesse ano eles estava provavelmente bravos comigo e nem me desejaram feliz aniversario. Entao estou aqui tentando decidir se organizo as festas de aniversario deles ou nao... ainda nao sei o que fazer, mas ao dirigir minha afilhada pra escola comunitaria nessa semana (as maes que educam seus filhos em casa se reunem uma vez por semana pras criancas brincarem e aprenderem juntas),..eu olhei no espelho e descobri um olhar serio. Onde o velho "eu" foi parar? A minha espontaniedade, risada-criatividade, meu ser imprevisivel? Mas e ai o que faco, deixo meus aborrecentes correr livres como cavalos sem regra e ser desrespeitosos? Eles tem que aprender e eu sou a unica que pode ensinar. Mas eu sinto falta do meu velho eu. E quanto penso na Sarinha eu quero que ela lembre de mim como alguem gentil, nao mal-humorada ou frustrada. Vi o video acima no site od facebook e me lembro de quem sou quando nao estou gritando com meus adolescentes. Talvez vc nao entenda pois e' humor audiologico, mas queria colocar aqui mesmo assim. Eu era assim quando estava no ensino meio, lembro ter dancado algumas coreografias nas olimpiadas da escola. Preciso re-encontrar meu velho eu.

My first B-day party! (minha primeira festa de aniversario)

2009-02-18T21:54:00.002-05:00

It's a pity my voice covered Steve's. He was singing and Nathan was trying to, lol.
Que pena que a minha voz cobriu a voz do Steve. Ele estava cantando e o Nathan tentou tb, rs.

1 month old! (1 mes de vida!)

2009-02-18T08:27:00.010-05:00

To Read this in Portuguese scroll down. Para ler isso in portugues va' mais pra baixo (em marrom).

There is so much to say, let me see if I can type really fast before she wakes up from her nap. I can't believe she is a month old today! If she is good and give me one more good nap I'll be baking her a cake. We'll be singing happy birthday, but not in English. About the non-English Thing, here is the first book I'm reading (I have a bad habit of reading several books at the same time).

Bilingualism. We went to Borders last week and I couldn't resist, I had to get this book. I'm so worried about not being able to teach her Portuguese. That's because every time I say things lately all it comes out of my mouth is English. It's really sad. I'm hoping this book will give me some tips, though. While I'm not done with the reading I'm making a conscious effort to speak in Portuguese and I keep catching myself speaking in English.

Babies Everywhere. Talking about Borders, last Sunday we went to the mall. I never saw so many babies in my life. Seriously, have never seen that many babies - have never noticed them. I guess it's the same as when you buy a certain car and you start noticing that car everywhere. Anyway, just a side note.

Communication Elimination. If you don't know what it is, here is a quick explanation. Today, with no shyness, she pooped and peed in the potty! I would post a picture here, except that my stepdaughter's reaction to her poop tells me not everyone is so enthusiastic about seen that, and I don't know if you are eating right now, but... just wanted to share this joy! She pooped in the potty! Yey! I ordered a DVD that just got here yesterday, didn't have the time to watch it yet:

I'm still waiting to receive this book:

and this cute potty:

Sleep. My daughter loves to sleep at night! Last night she had a nap from 7 to 8 then nursed like crazy, had a bath and slept from 9:30 to 4:25. Nursed like crazy. Slept again from 4:45 to 7:30 a.m.! Oh, and I tried the cloth diapers for the first time yesterday, and she was ok with it. I was afraid she would wake up because they are not as absorbent as the disposable ones, so she can feel when she gets wet. Well, I think she probably pees at the end of her sleep cycle, because she slept all 7 hours and was not bothered by it at all.

Work. I received my thesis (binded) yesterday. It was a really great sensation. I still don't have a plan to go back to work. Although I feel guilty and I think I should be out there fighting the career dragons, well...Right now I'm very "entertained".
ps. She woke up while I was writing this post and we catched 2 more pees! yey!
----------------------------PORTUGUES---------------------------------
Tem muitas coisas que eu gostaria de dizer, deixa eu ver se eu vou conseguir digitar tudo antes que ela acorde (ou traduzir, nesse caso). Nao acredito que ela ja' vai fazer 1 mes hoje! Se ela for boazinha e dormir mais um pouquinho vou fazer um bolinho e Cantar "Parabens" em Portugues mesmo(ah, meu teclado nao tem acento, o que e' bom pois nao sei as novas regras de acentuacao, rs). E a respeito de falar Ingles ou Portugues abaixo um livro que estou lendo (tenho o pessimo habito de ler mais de um livro ao mesmo tempo).

Bilinguismo. Fomos ao shopping neste domingo, numa livraria chamada Borders. Eu nao resisti, tive que comprar. Estou tao preocupada se vou conseguir ensinar portugues ou nao pra ela, porque toda vez que abro a boca... eu falo Ingles. E' triste mesmo. Espero que esse livro me ajude um pouquinho, mas ate' eu terminar de le-lo vou fazer um baita esforco pra falar Portugues.

Bebes, bebes, bebes!. E por falar em ir ao shopping, nunca vi tantos bebes na minha vida. Serio, acho que nunca notei, e' como comprar um carro e passar a notar que o carro e' bem comum, nao sei...

Higiene com (ou sem) fraldas. Se voce nunca ouviu falar do "elimination communication" ou "infant potty training", va' aqui para uma explicacao em portugues. Hoje, sem timidez a Sarinha fez as necessidades no peniquinho! Eu iria colocar uma foto aqui, mas a reacao da minha afilhada me deu uma dica de que nem todo mundo se entusiasma quando o assunto e' coco. E tb nao sei se vc esta' comendo, entao... so' queria compartilhar minha alegria... ela fez coco e xixi no peniquinho! Eu comprei um DVD pela amazon.com e chegou ontem mais ainda nao tive tempo de assistir... :

Ainda estou aguardando receber esse livro:

E esse peniquinho para bebes:

Sono. Minha filha adora dormir a noite! Ontem dormiu das 19 as 20, mamou como louca... depois dormiu das 21:30 as 4:25. Mamou como louca. Dormiu de novo das 4:45 as 7:30! Ah, e experimentamos as fraldas de pano pela primeira vez ontem. Estava com medo dela acordar mais durante a noite por causa da fralda, ja' que nao e' tao absorvente como a descartavel mas ela nao se incomodou... acho que e' porque ela provavelmente faz as necessidades um pouquinho antes de acordar no vim do ciclo do sono.

Trabalho. Recebi a minha tese em forma de livro ontem. Que sensacao boa. Ainda nao tenho um plano pra quando voltar ao trabalho. Me sinto um pouquinho culpada pois acho que deveria estar investindo na minha profissao, mas... estou bem entretida por enquanto...vou levando como esta' e ver qual sera' a hora certa de voltar a trabalhar...
ps. Ela acordou duas vezes enquanto eu estava escrevendo este post e conseguimos usar o penico 2 vezes pra fazer xixi!

meme

2009-02-15T13:30:00.000-05:00

I've seen this at mamaintranslation blog.

♥ What are your middle names?
Mine is my mom's maiden name, his is Douglas.

♥ How long have you been together?
Almost 3 years.

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
5 months

♥ Who asked who out?
He did.

♥Who said I love you first?
He did when I asked him: What is going on? tell me what is on your mind.
It took me a couple months to tell him, but saying I love you was a huge deal. I wasn't used to ever say that, even to my parents.

♥ How old are each of you?
I'm 30, He is 40.

♥ Whose siblings do/did you see the most?
His, mine are all in Brazil.

♥ Do you have any children together?
she, our baby Bee, sweat little princess.

♥ What about pets?
Mozart the crazy dog.

♥ Did you go to the same schools?
nope.

♥ Are you from the same hometown?
not even the same country.

♥ Who is the smartest?
I used to think I was.

♥ Who is the most sensitive?
He is.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We like Panera Bread... Thai restaurant... mmm, so many nice places.

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
California, on our honeymoon.

♥ Who has the worst temper?
me! hands down... I'm so bad.

♥ Who does the cooking?
We both cook, but since I'm home I try to do most of it. Except when I was pregnant and now of course, with a newborn... lol... he does cook in those times of need.

♥Who is the most social?
He is. I don't do very well with people. I really like my quiet, alone time. With a few exceptions.

♥ Who is the neat-freak?
We like to keep it clean, or make a big mess. No, seriously, we would like to have a tidy place, but always end up making a mess.

♥ Who is the most stubborn?
We are equally stubborn.

♥ Who wakes up earlier?
He does..

♥ Where was your first date?
Rollerskating.

♥Who has the bigger family?
I do, 3 brothers, 2 sisters. He has 2 brothers.

♥Do you get flowers often?
Not very often,

♥ Who do you spend the holidays with?
His family.

♥Who does/did the laundry?
we both do it.

♥ Who’s better with the computer?
I am...

♥ Who drives when you are together?
He drives. I hate driving.

♥ Who picks where you go to dinner?
he always wants me to pick...

♥ Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
we're both stubborn, so that's a hard one.

♥ Who named your pet?
I did with the help of the kids.

♥ Who wears the pants in the relationship?
We share decisions, I don't think one is the boss of the other...

♥ Who has more tattoos?
none of us.

♥ Who eats more sweets?
I do!!!

♥ Who cries more?
I cry more.

♥ Are you still together?
obviously.

Valentine Meme

2009-02-15T00:10:00.000-05:00

I've seen this at mamaintranslation blog.

♥ What are your middle names?

Mine is my mom's maiden name, his is Douglas.

♥ How long have you been together?

Almost 3 years.

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?

5 months

♥ Who asked who out?

He did.

♥Who said I love you first?

He did when I asked him: What is going on? tell me what is on your mind.

It took me a couple months to tell him, but saying I love you was a huge deal. I wasn't used to ever say that, even to my parents.

♥ How old are each of you?

I'm 30, He is 40.

♥ Whose siblings do/did you see the most?

His, mine are all in Brazil.

♥ Do you have any children together?

she, our baby Bee, sweat little princess.

♥ What about pets?

Mozart the crazy dog.

♥ Did you go to the same schools?

nope.

♥ Are you from the same hometown?

not even the same country.

♥ Who is the smartest?

I used to think I was.

♥ Who is the most sensitive?

He is.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?

We like Panera Bread... Thai restaurant... mmm, so many nice places.

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

California, on our honeymoon.

♥ Who has the worst temper?

me! hands down... I'm so bad.

♥ Who does the cooking?

We both cook, but since I'm home I try to do most of it. Except when I was pregnant and now of course, with a newborn... lol... he does cook in those times of need.

♥Who is the most social?

He is. I don't do very well with people. I really like my quiet, alone time. With a few exceptions.

♥ Who is the neat-freak?

We like to keep it clean, or make a big mess. No, seriously, we would like to have a tidy place, but always end up making a mess.

♥ Who is the most stubborn?

We are equally stubborn.

♥ Who wakes up earlier?

He does..

♥ Where was your first date?

Rollerskating.

♥Who has the bigger family?

Immediate family, he does -- his parents had four sons, mine only two, my brother and me. Our extended families are about the same size, lots of aunts, uncles and cousins. His are younger than mine, since my mom is the youngest of 5.

♥Do you get flowers often?

Not that often, much less (hardly ever) in our early years of marriage, but more often now. I loved when he got flowers for me when I got back from Brazil once and also after my dissertation defense.

♥ Who do you spend the holidays with?

More often with his family.

♥Who does/did the laundry?

I do the laundry. I enjoy it.

♥ Who’s better with the computer?

He is (he can program, even), but I type faster ;-).

♥ Who drives when you are together?

He usually drives the most, but I pity him because we both dislike driving. He's more experienced, so I just let him do it on long trips (I kind of take advantage of him in this). I do it sometimes, though, particularly when he's tired and needs to sleep for a bit.

♥ Who picks where you go to dinner?

We hardly ever do, so it's easy, anywhere is a big treat.

♥ Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?

I think we both admit it, but he's better about it. I do it, but I get so frustrated about it that (sigh) Usually him. He’s like a thousand times nicer than I am.

♥ Who named your pet?

We named him together.

♥ Who wears the pants in the relationship?

(I didn't know this expression, but I think I get it). He does, but we do decide most things together.

♥ Who has more tattoos?

We both have a horror of tattoos.

♥ Who eats more sweets?

He does, but I love chocolate and I eat a lot too.

♥ Who cries more?

I cry much more, but he's cried several times too since we met.

♥ Are you still together?

Sure!! Why would anyone be doing this meme if they weren't?

baby wearing (carregando o bebe)

2009-02-09T17:19:00.006-05:00

To Read this in Portuguese scroll down. Para ler isso in portugues va' mais pra baixo (em marrom).

Baby is 3 weeks and 1 day old... she is such a good baby.
Everytime I tell people she almost sleeps through the night (from 11 to 7 with a quick feeding at 3 or 4 o'clock)... well, people get angry at me... why are people so jealous!
During the day she is mostly a happy baby too, cries when she needs something. Sometimes it takes me a long time to figure it out what she wants, I guess it's the learning curve.
Bellow, a picture of my homemade "Moby wrap"... it was the easier thing to make and we are just trying out... I'm also going to order a ring/sling from my friend Tati but while that's not here, I'm trying my own.
Life with a baby... well, I have to write more about that, but not now. So, here's the picture:

----------------------------PORTUGUES---------------------------------
Nosso bebe tem 3 semanas e 1 dia de vida... ela e' tao boazinha.
Toda vez que conto que ela dorme quase a noite inteira (das 11 as 7 com uma pausa as 3 ou 4 da manha pra mamar)... bom... as pessoas ficam bravas comigo... porque sera' que as pessoas sao tao invejosas!
Durante o dia ela e' bem boazinha tambem, so' chora quando quer algo. As vezes demora um tempao pra eu entender o que ela quer. Acho que e' assim mesmo, um processo de aprendizado.
Abaixo uma foto de um "Moby wrap" (uma especie de Sling) que eu fiz. Foi super facil de fazer e nos estamos experimentando. Tb vou comprar um sling da minha amiga Tati mas vou usando esse enquando o chiq nao chega. A vida com o bebe... bom, tenho que escrever mais a respeito, por enquanto veja as fotos acima...

My Birthday Present (Meu presente de aniversario)

2009-02-02T22:47:00.009-05:00

I'm translating this post to portuguese, so if you see words in Brown that don't make sense, that's what it is.
Traducao em Portugues em Marrom.

And then... I'm 30 years old. It feels things are going so fast. Because I can't type much, here are a couple pictures:
E entao... fiz 30 anos. Parece que tudo esta' ocorrendo tao rapido. Porque eu nao tenho como digitar muito hoje, ai vai algumas fotos:

1) My two favorite people: (Minhas duas pessoas favoritas)

2) Having some dinner on Mommy's birthday... (jantando no aniversario da Mamae)

Birth Story (Historia do Nascimento)

2009-01-23T21:08:00.006-05:00

Let me preface that by saying this is long. I’m still in dream state, and writing this up bring tears to my eyes. It’s very surreal. Sara is perfect. A gift from God.

Saturday night (1/17/09) - 6 pm - Steve and I go to Bed, Bath & Beyond so I can walk around. I’m hoping the walking will bring on labor and I’d avoid having to take the Castor oil on Sunday Morning. I am 41 weeks and 6 weeks and induction is set for Tuesday. I have tried every method of natural induction and Castor oil was going to be my last resource. While walking in the store I start getting really tired and a weird back pain seems to come and go. I do hip rotations, pelvic rocking and even a little dance (I am on a very good spirit), but the pain doesn’t go away. We decide to head home.

9 Pm - I go upstairs to try to rest and Steve goes downstairs to play with the kids, they are playing card games. I have a slight feeling this is the last time he has only 2 biological children to play with, so I let him enjoy their time, just the 3 of them. I’m upstairs in our room/library watching some TV online, the back pain is getting regular. I wonder if this is it… I’m hoping this is…but back pain? That is nowhere near the description of contractions I read about, unless… I am having back labor… I wishfully hope not. I go online and started timing contractions while watching Scrubs… Surprisingly the pain is 4 to 5 minutes apart, about 30 seconds long (well, maybe the peaks, it‘s hard to say). I get a little excited, but try not to at the same time. I try to go to sleep, if this is early labor, I’ll need my rest… but it’s too uncomfortable. I then go to the bathroom a couple times and every time I go, something gooey looking would comes out (sorry for the TMI don’t know how to better describe this)… is this my mucous plug? I wondered.

Midnight - Steve is now upstairs taking a shower, I decide to take a shower too, to see if it helps but it doesn‘t. I tell him what is going on, his face lights up, you can see what he is thinking just by looking at his eyes. I see excitement and anxiety in his face.

It’s now almost 1 am, January 18th. I keep loosing mucous plug and now there are little blood spots with it. Steve insists I call the doula. I tell him I’ll, in a little while. I think I’m in denial this is really happening but I finally call the doula, Tonya. She tells me to start timing contractions and call her back. I let DH time them this time so it would be less biased… he is already dressed and ready to go to the hospital, he is sure this is it. I am not. To our astonishment and DH panic (you could see it in his face, it was so funny), they were 2 minutes apart, about 45 sec long and getting stronger. The other doula, Nicolle, calls me. She is in Texas, but has a close relation with the other Doula in Williamsport. Tonya had called her about my back pain and she wanted to give me some pointers. She tells me this is probably early labor, to call the doctor and try to get the baby out my back, that the baby is probably just laying there. She instruct us to put a bed sheet under my belly, get on all fours and have DH jiggle the bed sheet to see if the baby moves. We try this, and it feels good, but the baby didn’t move… the pain does not go away. As soon as she hangs up I get the call from the doctor‘s office (I called earlier and left a message). Dr. Levine is not my regular OB, but he is the one on call tonight. He asks about my symptoms. I tell him I have 2 minute apart back pain, I “think” I might have lost my mucous plug and that I had loose bowels all day. I say I’m not sure this is labor, it just hurts in my back. He tells us to go to the hospital to get monitored, so see if this is labor or not.

1:10 a.m - Steve warms the car and loads the car with our hospital bag and other things. We decide not to wake up the kids, we don’t want them to be anxious, we would call Steve’s parents so they can come over later. I don’t feel prepared, I‘m excited, I wonder if this is it, I hope this is It, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. As we pull out the driveway snow start falling, really really heavy and abundant snow. The roads are getting worse by the minute. By the time we turn off the highway to get to the hospital the car slides slightly to the side. We pray Tonya will be OK driving to the hospital, she is 40 minutes away.
We get to the emergency room, DH drops me off and goes find a place to park and get our bags. I’m excited but still in denial. Maybe I’m not in labor and this trip is a waste of everyone’s time. But it would be really nice if the baby was born today. I think the snow shower as a shower of blessings. Maybe this is it. Up the elevator we go. My back pain is getting pretty consistent, you can tell when one starts and finishes. The nurse greets us and shows us the delivery room. I have to get room number 3 (there are only 3 in the hospital) because the other two are occupied. Apparently it’s been crazy, they just had 2 deliveries… I see the doctor looking at other patient’s charts.

We finally get to our room and is freezing cold, that does not help with the back pain. I change into a hospital gown and lay flat on my back so the nurse could check the baby’s heartbeat and monitor contractions. She says I am having strong contractions and they are strong. This is really labor. I’m surprised and overjoyed. I really wanted to experience contractions, so that was very nice. I start walking down the halls with DH until Tonya gets there.
Doc checks me and contractions are 1 minute apart, I am 5 cm dilated (1:30 am). Very strong back pain. My doula comes shortly after. From them I take turns walking out the halls, having DH squeezing my hips so the pain would go away and then I finally get in the shower. That feels so great. I don’t want to get out. I tell DH I want to be in the shower forever. The nurse check me again at 5 a.m. I’m 7 to 8 cm, she says… I was so glad I was not a 6 after all that pain.

7:30 am I start feeling really miserable, I throw up a couple times, I think this is transition, but it does not seem so bad as you read in the books, so I’m not sure if it is really transition. The nurse check me again - I was still at 8 cm and with very strong back pain. I could almost not feel the contractions itself, just a terrible back pain. But I noticed my belly would get hard. I think, this is going to be over soon, I can do this.

9 am? I throw up again. Contractions on top of another. It seems I don’t have a break. From now on everything it’s blurry. All of a sudden it‘s noon. I am moaning and saying “I can't do this“. DH and Tonya encourage me. I change to a different delivery room, a warmer one and the doc is checking on me, making sure I’m progressing, but trying to give me my space so I can follow my natural birth plan. I got in the shower a couple times, and it felt good there in there, but not great.

2 pm. The doc finally decided to tell me he was trying to let me do my thing so I'd have this naturally, but that I should have had this baby already. She check me and there is no change. He wants me to decided what I want to do. He says that to be stuck at 8 cm for this long is not normal and he can’t tell what the outcome is going to be. Is this kid going to be in special ed? (sounds so cruel, but he was trying to get my attention). I take his suggestion to lay down and monitor the contractions. They are faint, barely there, but the back pain is strong. Being flat on my back feels horrible and makes is hard to manage the pain. Doc suggests we do something about this, he tells me I might be dehydrated or my contractions have just Peter out. He suggest a quick lab to check my urine before placing an IV. I call Nicole and discuss with her she tells me that a little pitocin might be all I need. I agree. I tell the doctor is ok to hook me up to the IV and a small dose of pitocin.

I didn’t realize I had to be flat on my back for this because of the monitors. I moan as I’m there telling the nurse if I’m going to to the pitocin way, I might need an epidural. The nurse knows about my birth plan (she is the nicest nurse ever) and tells me we’ll cross this bridge once we get there.
This is it, I’m hooked to the I.V., worried, it’s 2:30 pm. I’m exhausted. The doc comes in and see the contractions are starting to build in on the monitor. The nurse can’t find the baby’s heartbeat. The doc decides to check me and see if the baby has dropped some more. It has. It’s a miracle, he says. The baby is now at + 1 station and I’m 9 cm dilated. I’m so glad, then suddenly the doctor says my water broke while doing the exam. I feel this warm gush of water. The doctor says there is a meconium on it.

I know what it means, I panic, I’m now very worried about the baby. I’m crying, no one can comfort me. My DH is crying, the doula starts crying. Contractions start to be really strong. Doc comes back at almost 3 pm, I’m almost 10 but with a lip of cervix. He tells me to push so he can take that lip out of the way. I do, and again, and again, and finally I’m dilated to a 10. Now it’s time to push.

I try to squat, I try the birthing bar, I try to be on all fours, everything is excruciating painful. The nurse tells me the baby don’t like those positions, apparently the heart rate would drop when I pushed like that. Doc tells me to get flat on my back. DH would have one leg the other nurse the other. I feel horrible being flat on my back, but try to breath through it all, I keep pushing, apparently not good enough. The doctor tells me to push his fingers and I do it a couple times. Gradually I learn what I’m suppose to do, but by 4:30 I’m exhausted.

The doctor suggests I can do this for a long time, for as long as I want or he can help me with the use of the vacuum, I almost don’t let him finish his sentence. I tell him Go ahead. DH tells me later I had asked for an epidural right there, but the doc says it was too late. I don’t remember this, but I believe him. I push and the doctor places the vacuum on the baby’s head, then looses suction. He finds out why of the back pain. The baby is sunny side up. The next couple contractions the doctor turns the baby while I push, then try to place the vacuum again. I still don’t know how in the world he did this and It wasn’t that painful. Maybe I just have no memory of the pain, I don’t know. Either way, the doctor looses suction again. The baby has moved and is now transverse. Now I’m crying, I’m moaning, my husband is trying to comfort me telling me it will be over soon, and we are having a baby today. The doctor tries to comfort me too. He says the baby heartbeat is really strong and most babies don't like the vacuum, but this baby does not seem to be bothered by it. I remember the doctor saying when he was born there was meconium on his aminiotic fluid too, but it was much worse, the one with this baby was not very diluted. I hear the doctor telling the nurses this baby is no Pee-Wee Herman, at least 8 pounds.

Steve tells me he would take my pain if he could, but he can’t. I cry, I moan some more, I’m so tired. My back is killing me, I tell them. My back is killing me I scream. My back. My husband says the doctor will help you now, the baby will be here soon. The doctor says he feels some hair, the head is right there. He places the vacuum again and with the next contraction I push four times. I have been pushing 3 times, but now it’s time to give it all I got. Doctor holds the baby’s head/vacuum close to my perineum so the head won’t go back in. It’s an incredible pressure, but I don’t care, my back is what is killing me. My back, my back, I tell them. I’m so anxious for the baby, I want a healthy baby, I don’t care if it is a girl or a boy, just Please God a healthy baby.

A couple more contractions, the doctor says he is getting tired and his hands are swelling. I feel bad for him, I feel bad for my husband, I know he is absolutely worried, I feel bad for the nurses having to deal with my moaning. But I moan some more, I can’t help it. I pray silently, I pray aloud, I can’t tell the difference. Help me Lord, please Help me.

Then with the next contraction everyone’s moods change. There is excitement in the air - the head is right there, I reach down and feel some hair, and the vacuum. The contraction is gone, but the doctor is holding the baby’s head on the vacuum. I’m fully stretched and I’m exhausted. We anxiously wait for the next contraction… it’s finally here. It seems that it took forever, I start to push, I feel the ring of fire, I’m so happy, I know what it means, it means it’s almost over, I look at my husband’s face and he is crying, I know we are having a baby right then, I push 4, 5, 6 times the contraction is gone but I’m told to keep pushing, 7, 8 times… this is it. Relive of pressure. The baby is here. I let my head falls down. My husband is crying, he tells me the baby is here. I ask him, what is it? He says it’s a girl, he is still crying. Poor man. I’m so relieved. It was 5:04 pm.

They place her on my stomach and I hear the doctor showing Steve how to cut the cord, I feel like reminding them that I want the cord to stop pulsating first, but I don’t want to say anything, I know everyone is looking forward to finalize the delivery, everyone is tired. I also have no energy left in me to speak. The baby spends some time on my belly, then is taken away to the checked and weighted. Our little one. is 8 lbs, 11 oz. 21 cm. I tell them I want to breastfeed. The doctor wants to deliver the placenta and stitch me up. I was told I had just a small tear. One, 2, 3, 4 more pushes, the placenta is not out. I’m annoyed I have to push again. The doctor massages my belly, I push a couple times again, then pop. Out comes the placenta. Another gush of liquid comes out. My uterus might also have been overly extended that’s why the contractions weren’t strong enough, because there was so much fluid in there. The baby is finally on my chest. They tell me she is healthy. They tell me she is perfect. She cries with all her might, to reassure me of that. “Sara” I tell Steve and he nods. Sara in honor to Steve’s grandma. Maria in honor to my grandma. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I have a baby. She latches right away and doesn’t stop feeding for about 1.5 hours. They finally take her away to be tested/measured and cleaned up. I can’t believe it still, she is there, but is she real? She has dark curly hair, her eyes are wide open, Steve says she was born with her eyes open. I want to get up and take a shower, I can’t, because I’m hooked to the I.V. and they have to check my blood pressure for a little more and finish the I.V. fluid. Steve, the doula and the nursing staff all tell me I'm amazing, they say I did a great job. I tell Steve this is not one of those stories about "I want to be empowered" of feel great about myself. I did this for this baby, so she would have the best possible birth, the healthiest, most natural one. So she would be born on God's time. I know it paid off. She is so alert, so different from other babies that are born with anestheisia in their blood stream. She is perfect.

7 pm, I can finally go to my room, my in-laws have been there and my husband showed them the little one. Tessa and Nathan had also seen her, I wish I could have seen their reaction. I was still in bed being cleaned out. Sara has the strongest set of lungs and didn't stop crying until placed on my breast again. I can hear her in the hallway. I shower and lay in bed, waiting for her. I hold her and I just can‘t believe it. She is too good to be true. I have a daughter, she is finally here. It was a very dramatic day, very intense, most surreal day of my life. God is wonderful and I still can't understand this little miracle and how she grew up to be so beautiful and so fragile and so perfect at the same time. We are still crying, emotional. I can’t believe she was inside my belly, and she is all okay, and so strong. The day is over, she had a long journey, Steve and I had a long journey, but now we are here, a new family. We trusted in God and now we're so very thankful. We are blessed.

----------------------PORTUGUES--------------------------------------------
Bom, pra comecar ja' vou avisando que esse texto e' longo. Ainda estou com uma sensacao de que estou sonhando e escrever essa estoria traz lagrimas aos meus olhos. E' tudo tao surreal. A Sara e' perfeita. Um presente de Deus. Sabado a noite, 17 de Janeiro, 2009 - as 18 horas, Steve e eu vamos a uma loja chamada "Bed, Bath & Beyond" pra eu poder andar um pouquinho. Eu estava esperando que andar estimulasse esse processo e me colocasse em trabalho de parto, e quem sabe, eu nao teria de tomar oleo de castor no domingo de manha. Estou com 41 semanas e 5 dias de gestacao e se nada acontecer ate' Terca-feira, terei que ser induzida. Ja' tentei de tudo pra entrar em trabalho de parto e nada funcionou, todos os metodos naturais. O Oleo de Castor e' minha ultima change. Enquanto estou andando pelo loja, comeco a me sentir bem cansada e uma dor nas costas esquisita aparece de vez em quando. Eu tento contorcer meus quadris, mexer de um lado pro outro e ate' dancar um pouquinho (estava de muito bom humor), mas a dor nas costas continua.
Decidimos ir pra casa. Sao 21 horas - eu subo pro nosso quarto e o Steve fica na sala jogando baralho com as criancas. Tenho uma sensacao de que essa e' a ultima vez que ele tem apenas 2 criancas, entao deixo-os sozinhos, somente eles tres. Enquanto isso no nosso quarto/biblioteca, eu estou assistindo TV onine, e a dor comeca a ficar mais regular. I’m upstairs in our room/library watching some TV online, the back pain is getting regular. I wonder if this is it… I’m hoping this is…but back pain? That is nowhere near the description of contractions I read about, unless… I am having back labor… I wishfully hope not. I go online and started timing contractions while watching Scrubs… Surprisingly the pain is 4 to 5 minutes apart, about 30 seconds long (well, maybe the peaks, it‘s hard to say). I get a little excited, but try not to at the same time. I try to go to sleep, if this is early labor, I’ll need my rest… but it’s too uncomfortable. I then go to the bathroom a couple times and every time I go, something gooey looking would comes out (sorry for the TMI don’t know how to better describe this)… is this my mucous plug? I wondered. Midnight - Steve is now upstairs taking a shower, I decide to take a shower too, to see if it helps but it doesn‘t. I tell him what is going on, his face lights up, you can see what he is thinking just by looking at his eyes. I see excitement and anxiety in his face. It’s now almost 1 am, January 18th. I keep loosing mucous plug and now there are little blood spots with it. Steve insists I call the doula. I tell him I’ll, in a little while. I think I’m in denial this is really happening but I finally call the doula, Tonya. She tells me to start timing contractions and call her back. I let DH time them this time so it would be less biased… he is already dressed and ready to go to the hospital, he is sure this is it. I am not. To our astonishment and DH panic (you could see it in his face, it was so funny), they were 2 minutes apart, about 45 sec long and getting stronger. The other doula, Nicolle, calls me. She is in Texas, but has a close relation with the other Doula in Williamsport. Tonya had called her about my back pain and she wanted to give me some pointers. She tells me this is probably early labor, to call the doctor and try to get the baby out my back, that the baby is probably just laying there. She instruct us to put a bed sheet under my belly, get on all fours and have DH jiggle the bed sheet to see if the baby moves. We try this, and it feels good, but the baby didn’t move… the pain does not go away. As soon as she hangs up I get the call from the doctor‘s office (I called earlier and left a message). Dr. Levine is not my regular OB, but he is the one on call tonight. He asks about my symptoms. I tell him I have 2 minute apart back pain, I “think” I might have lost my mucous plug and that I had loose bowels all day. I say I’m not sure this is labor, it just hurts in my back. He tells us to go to the hospital to get monitored, so see if this is labor or not. 1:10 a.m - Steve warms the car and loads the car with our hospital bag and other things. We decide not to wake up the kids, we don’t want them to be anxious, we would call Steve’s parents so they can come over later. I don’t feel prepared, I‘m excited, I wonder if this is it, I hope this is It, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. As we pull out the driveway snow start falling, really really heavy and abundant snow. The roads are getting worse by the minute. By the time we turn off the highway to get to the hospital the car slides slightly to the side. We pray Tonya will be OK driving to the hospital, she is 40 minutes away. We get to the emergency room, DH drops me off and goes find a place to park and get our bags. I’m excited but still in denial. Maybe I’m not in labor and this trip is a waste of everyone’s time. But it would be really nice if the baby was born today. I think the snow shower as a shower of blessings. Maybe this is it. Up the elevator we go. My back pain is getting pretty consistent, you can tell when one starts and finishes. The nurse greets us and shows us the delivery room. I have to get room number 3 (there are only 3 in the hospital) because the other two are occupied. Apparently it’s been crazy, they just had 2 deliveries… I see the doctor looking at other patient’s charts. We finally get to our room and is freezing cold, that does not help with the back pain. I change into a hospital gown and lay flat on my back so the nurse could check the baby’s heartbeat and monitor contractions. She says I am having strong contractions and they are strong. This is really labor. I’m surprised and overjoyed. I really wanted to experience contractions, so that was very nice. I start walking down the halls with DH until Tonya gets there. Doc checks me and contractions are 1 minute apart, I am 5 cm dilated (1:30 am). Very strong back pain. My doula comes shortly after. From them I take turns walking out the halls, having DH squeezing my hips so the pain would go away and then I finally get in the shower. That feels so great. I don’t want to get out. I tell DH I want to be in the shower forever. The nurse check me again at 5 a.m. I’m 7 to 8 cm, she says… I was so glad I was not a 6 after all that pain. 7:30 am I start feeling really miserable, I throw up a couple times, I think this is transition, but it does not seem so bad as you read in the books, so I’m not sure if it is really transition. The nurse check me again - I was still at 8 cm and with very strong back pain. I could almost not feel the contractions itself, just a terrible back pain. But I noticed my belly would get hard. I think, this is going to be over soon, I can do this. 9 am? I throw up again. Contractions on top of another. It seems I don’t have a break. From now on everything it’s blurry. All of a sudden it‘s noon. I am moaning and saying “I can't do this“. DH and Tonya encourage me. I change to a different delivery room, a warmer one and the doc is checking on me, making sure I’m progressing, but trying to give me my space so I can follow my natural birth plan. I got in the shower a couple times, and it felt good there in there, but not great. 2 pm. The doc finally decided to tell me he was trying to let me do my thing so I'd have this naturally, but that I should have had this baby already. She check me and there is no change. He wants me to decided what I want to do. He says that to be stuck at 8 cm for this long is not normal and he can’t tell what the outcome is going to be. Is this kid going to be in special ed? (sounds so cruel, but he was trying to get my attention). I take his suggestion to lay down and monitor the contractions. They are faint, barely there, but the back pain is strong. Being flat on my back feels horrible and makes is hard to manage the pain. Doc suggests we do something about this, he tells me I might be dehydrated or my contractions have just Peter out. He suggest a quick lab to check my urine before placing an IV. I call Nicole and discuss with her she tells me that a little pitocin might be all I need. I agree. I tell the doctor is ok to hook me up to the IV and a small dose of pitocin. I didn’t realize I had to be flat on my back for this because of the monitors. I moan as I’m there telling the nurse if I’m going to to the pitocin way, I might need an epidural. The nurse knows about my birth plan (she is the nicest nurse ever) and tells me we’ll cross this bridge once we get there. This is it, I’m hooked to the I.V., worried, it’s 2:30 pm. I’m exhausted. The doc comes in and see the contractions are starting to build in on the monitor. The nurse can’t find the baby’s heartbeat. The doc decides to check me and see if the baby has dropped some more. It has. It’s a miracle, he says. The baby is now at + 1 station and I’m 9 cm dilated. I’m so glad, then suddenly the doctor says my water broke while doing the exam. I feel this warm gush of water. The doctor says there is a meconium on it. I know what it means, I panic, I’m now very worried about the baby. I’m crying, no one can comfort me. My DH is crying, the doula starts crying. Contractions start to be really strong. Doc comes back at almost 3 pm, I’m almost 10 but with a lip of cervix. He tells me to push so he can take that lip out of the way. I do, and again, and again, and finally I’m dilated to a 10. Now it’s time to push. I try to squat, I try the birthing bar, I try to be on all fours, everything is excruciating painful. The nurse tells me the baby don’t like those positions, apparently the heart rate would drop when I pushed like that. Doc tells me to get flat on my back. DH would have one leg the other nurse the other. I feel horrible being flat on my back, but try to breath through it all, I keep pushing, apparently not good enough. The doctor tells me to push his fingers and I do it a couple times. Gradually I learn what I’m suppose to do, but by 4:30 I’m exhausted. The doctor suggests I can do this for a long time, for as long as I want or he can help me with the use of the vacuum, I almost don’t let him finish his sentence. I tell him Go ahead. DH tells me later I had asked for an epidural right there, but the doc says it was too late. I don’t remember this, but I believe him. I push and the doctor places the vacuum on the baby’s head, then looses suction. He finds out why of the back pain. The baby is sunny side up. The next couple contractions the doctor turns the baby while I push, then try to place the vacuum again. I still don’t know how in the world he did this and It wasn’t that painful. Maybe I just have no memory of the pain, I don’t know. Either way, the doctor looses suction again. The baby has moved and is now transverse. Now I’m crying, I’m moaning, my husband is trying to comfort me telling me it will be over soon, and we are having a baby today. The doctor tries to comfort me too. He says the baby heartbeat is really strong and most babies don't like the vacuum, but this baby does not seem to be bothered by it. I remember the doctor saying when he was born there was meconium on his aminiotic fluid too, but it was much worse, the one with this baby was not very diluted. I hear the doctor telling the nurses this baby is no Pee-Wee Herman, at least 8 pounds. Steve tells me he would take my pain if he could, but he can’t. I cry, I moan some more, I’m so tired. My back is killing me, I tell them. My back is killing me I scream. My back. My husband says the doctor will help you now, the baby will be here soon. The doctor says he feels some hair, the head is right there. He places the vacuum again and with the next contraction I push four times. I have been pushing 3 times, but now it’s time to give it all I got. Doctor holds the baby’s head/vacuum close to my perineum so the head won’t go back in. It’s an incredible pressure, but I don’t care, my back is what is killing me. My back, my back, I tell them. I’m so anxious for the baby, I want a healthy baby, I don’t care if it is a girl or a boy, just Please God a healthy baby. A couple more contractions, the doctor says he is getting tired and his hands are swelling. I feel bad for him, I feel bad for my husband, I know he is absolutely worried, I feel bad for the nurses having to deal with my moaning. But I moan some more, I can’t help it. I pray silently, I pray aloud, I can’t tell the difference. Help me Lord, please Help me. Then with the next contraction everyone’s moods change. There is excitement in the air - the head is right there, I reach down and feel some hair, and the vacuum. The contraction is gone, but the doctor is holding the baby’s head on the vacuum. I’m fully stretched and I’m exhausted. We anxiously wait for the next contraction… it’s finally here. It seems that it took forever, I start to push, I feel the ring of fire, I’m so happy, I know what it means, it means it’s almost over, I look at my husband’s face and he is crying, I know we are having a baby right then, I push 4, 5, 6 times the contraction is gone but I’m told to keep pushing, 7, 8 times… this is it. Relive of pressure. The baby is here. I let my head falls down. My husband is crying, he tells me the baby is here. I ask him, what is it? He says it’s a girl, he is still crying. Poor man. I’m so relieved. It was 5:04 pm. They place her on my stomach and I hear the doctor showing Steve how to cut the cord, I feel like reminding them that I want the cord to stop pulsating first, but I don’t want to say anything, I know everyone is looking forward to finalize the delivery, everyone is tired. I also have no energy left in me to speak. The baby spends some time on my belly, then is taken away to the checked and weighted. Our little one. is 8 lbs, 11 oz. 21 cm. I tell them I want to breastfeed. The doctor wants to deliver the placenta and stitch me up. I was told I had just a small tear. One, 2, 3, 4 more pushes, the placenta is not out. I’m annoyed I have to push again. The doctor massages my belly, I push a couple times again, then pop. Out comes the placenta. Another gush of liquid comes out. My uterus might also have been overly extended that’s why the contractions weren’t strong enough, because there was so much fluid in there. The baby is finally on my chest. They tell me she is healthy. They tell me she is perfect. She cries with all her might, to reassure me of that. “Sara” I tell Steve and he nods. Sara in honor to Steve’s grandma. Maria in honor to my grandma. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I have a baby. She latches right away and doesn’t stop feeding for about 1.5 hours. They finally take her away to be tested/measured and cleaned up. I can’t believe it still, she is there, but is she real? She has dark curly hair, her eyes are wide open, Steve says she was born with her eyes open. I want to get up and take a shower, I can’t, because I’m hooked to the I.V. and they have to check my blood pressure for a little more and finish the I.V. fluid. Steve, the doula and the nursing staff all tell me I'm amazing, they say I did a great job. I tell Steve this is not one of those stories about "I want to be empowered" of feel great about myself. I did this for this baby, so she would have the best possible birth, the healthiest, most natural one. So she would be born on God's time. I know it paid off. She is so alert, so different from other babies that are born with anestheisia in their blood stream. She is perfect. 7 pm, I can finally go to my room, my in-laws have been there and my husband showed them the little one. Tessa and Nathan had also seen her, I wish I could have seen their reaction. I was still in bed being cleaned out. Sara has the strongest set of lungs and didn't stop crying until placed on my breast again. I can hear her in the hallway. I shower and lay in bed, waiting for her. I hold her and I just can‘t believe it. She is too good to be true. I have a daughter, she is finally here. It was a very dramatic day, very intense, most surreal day of my life. God is wonderful and I still can't understand this little miracle and how she grew up to be so beautiful and so fragile and so perfect at the same time. We are still crying, emotional. I can’t believe she was inside my belly, and she is all okay, and so strong. The day is over, she had a long journey, Steve and I had a long journey, but now we are here, a new family. We trusted in God and now we're so very thankful. We are blessed.

It's a girl!

2009-01-20T16:06:00.003-05:00

Sara Maria Tence Corbin
21 inches (53 cm)
8 lbs 11 oz (3.94 kg)
Born on Sunday 1/18/09 - 42 weeks exactly!
5:04 pm.

I'll be back for a birth story, as soon as she gives me more than 5 minutes break...

41 weeks and 6 days

2009-01-17T00:20:00.002-05:00

My point of view

Weather outside: -5°F.or -20°C.
Weather in the belly: 98.6°F.or 36°C.

Of course this child does not want to get out. Smart baby, very smart.

Letter to Baby Bee

2009-01-15T17:08:00.007-05:00

To my Baby Bee...

How do I write a letter to you? I still haven't seen you or even found out if you are a girl, or a boy, what kind of personality you will have, in fact I don't know much about you except that you are one strong baby that likes to be wide awake at 3 a.m. It's a weird thing knowing in a little bit you'll be here and my whole life will be changed. But I want you to know that you are very much wanted. I'll be praying for you, a lot, you know. In fact I have been praying for you for a couple years now.

There are some things that I can promisse you, and others I cannot even attempt. Here they are.
I promisse to do not let a day pass without saying I love you, showing affection, nurturing and talking to you. I can't wait to hug and hold you tight. When you decide you are a grown up and don't want that closeness anymore, I know I'll be sad, but I'll let you grow up and respect that.
I know I'll be an imperfect mom and I'll err, I can't promisse perfection. I hope you are patient with my mistakes and I hope to be patient with you too. I really want to try to to seek a balance between shaping your character and letting your personality flow. Once you are old enough to make choices, I'll try hard to respect that - even when I do not agree with them.
I want you to know that there is nothing in this life more important than having a good relationship with God, and I will be talking a lot about that once you are. You have heard the songs while inside my belly and I want to keep that up as much as I can. Maybe tie blue ribbons to your clothes like the jewish people did to remind themselves? Write the good news all around our home walls? I don't know. I still don't know how, but I want you to know how much you are loved by God and by all of us.
I'll try not to be overprotective, but I can't promisse that really. But I'll try. There's a lot I don't know on how I'll be your mom, how things will work exactly. But I promisse you, my baby Bee, there is nothing I want more than just that. Being your mom. Come meet me, let me see your little face, inspect every finger and toe. Can't wait to call you my girl or my boy. I love you my child.

41 weeks 4 days

2009-01-15T16:37:00.005-05:00

Induction
So, after lots of thinking and a sleepless night I called my sister to discuss the induction drugs (she's an RN/midwife), and then the doula, and then finally the doctor's office. I'm have an appointment on Monday to strip membranes, then if that doesn't work, I'll go back on Tuesday to start a very low dose of Pitocin.
That makes me feel better. Although I wanted no Pitocin, at all, between the two Pit is the less worse option.

Meanwhile every trick of natural induction will be tried. I talked to baby today and asked him/her to please come meet the outside world. Hoping she/he listens to me before I have to drink the castor oil. yuck.

Thoughts on the future and New Year's Resolution

It's been a while since I did a list of "new Year's resolution". I feel like doing one, for the baby. My Baby/motherhood list of resolutions. That'll be in a separate post.

41 weeks 3 days.

2009-01-14T22:23:00.005-05:00

First, a couple pictures. Note that when one is pregnant, permission is granted to kill fashion and combine polka dots with flower patterns, all matched with an animal print jacket and... sleepers (and what pretty cankles do I have, lol).

So, here's how the doc's appointment go. My blood pressure is excellent, 100x70, baby NST great, everything else fine. Still, I'm 41 weeks and 3 days pregnant, so doctor had to give me the induction talk. He offered to strip membranes and start me on a dose of cytotec tonight, and if that doesn't work Pitocyn tomorrow. I panicked. I really was shocked by this. And since on my way there I felt 2 contractions, I asked him to delay this until maybe Friday. But he is off Friday, so we agreed on Monday.

Now, after leaving the office I started to panic. Reading all the information about Cytotec (see FDA website), I called my doula who referred me to a medical doula/midwife and we had a long talk about natural induction methods, etc. I'm so lucky to have not 1 but 2 doulas available to talk to.

I don't think I will do the cytotec dose. Too risky and scary to consider. I'm calling my OB's office and trying to see if I can get my membranes stripped before the weekend, then if nothing happens, Pitocin will be - on Monday. I'm sad and scared and just... disapointed... but still hopeful my natural induction plan will work.

Adding to everything I did, this time I'm trying castor oil - tomorrow.
Tonight I had evening primrose oil and lots of walking. Tomorrow will be lots of vertical exercises and I have to find a swing set - aparently gravity and swings will help cause contractions...who knew?

blegh. Just blegh.

41 weeks 2 days

2009-01-13T15:23:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is my appointment with OBGYN. I'm sad I didn't gave birth yet, because that means we'll be talking about induction tomorrow. I don't know when he will schedule that, but I'm hoping is still a couple days away so I'd have a chance to go into labor on my own. It's very surreal that I'm having a baby soon, it does not feel very possible (I know it sounds crazy). When I look at my very pregnant belly, if I pass by a mirror, I'm still a little shocked. I don't feel that bad, so it's hard to think of how pregnant I am. Today I have a little sinus headache and lots of nausea, but no signs of labor. I keep thinking I want to read the baby's books I have that my friend graciously gave me... but every time I start doing that I fall asleep. I'm very, very tired. I want to go out and walk around tonight to see if I get things going, but then, on the other hand... I just feel like taking a nap too. It's so cold out. Wish I was by a beach.

nesting

2009-01-12T05:07:00.002-05:00

yes, I think I'm definetely nesting. My mission was the bathroom today. I reorganized all the cabinets, washed the walls (and ceiling!, polished the shower rod and finally fixed the shower curtain. The nursery got a cubicals/bookshelf/drawers thing, new blinds, reorganized again. Later today, as soon as its not early enough to wake up the rest of the house I'm going to work on the kitchen. Walked 2 hours at Target yesterday, 3 hours at Walmart before yesterday. If no signs of baby we plan to walk at Bed, Bath & beyond tonight... Those were all the places we had gift cards to, lol. My last stop is toys r us, but I hate that store, so it's really my last resource. Doc Appointment on Wednesday, so last chance to not get an induction will be before Sunday.

Off topic. We watched a movie today that made me cry (and dH too, don't tell him I posted that he cried online! sshhh it's our secret, Internet). It's Born into Brothels, you can get it at netflix. It's so sad how there are some many kids with few to no choices in life, while we have all of them and many times - waste it. Great eye opening movie if you like to be shocked by reality.

41 weeks pregnant!

2009-01-11T10:50:00.003-05:00

It was 3:50 a.m. and I couldn't get any sleep, so... let's document the belly!

Labor might be a couple days away? what do you think?

2009-01-10T04:31:00.002-05:00

It's Sabbath and I feel this urge to go downstairs and re-organize my kitchen cabinets, vacuum, do something like that. I won't because It's Sabbath. Yesterday I made "doce de leite" from scratch and Brazilian Honey bread to give away at the hospital. Nesting? I think so.

Also, I've been up all night going to the bathroom. I won't detail anything, don't worry, but it seems my body is cleaning itself - another sign of labor? probably.

No contractions, though. Bummer.

Tonight at dinner the whole family had a little private show. Tessa and Nathan were able to see my belly move... really, really moving. This baby is one strong baby, let me tell you. My belly changed shapes, you could see being poked through my clothes, and Dad and Tessa even felt the baby push their hands.

I'm glad they had a chance to experience that. I've been on my cocoon this past 9 months and haven't shared much of my pregnancy with the rest of the family, I really just like staying in and not seen and talking to a lot of people, just in peace and introspective. So, this was the first chance they had to experience that.

I wish there was a way I could get this on camera. It was pretty cool.

SA - I lost the original post and some pics

2009-01-10T03:26:00.010-05:00

I don't know how, I accidently erased this post, but I have to leave this recorded here...I retrieved the numbers from my Vasectomy Reversal Support Group One year and a half ago, DH was on a wheelchair in real pain so I could have this baby... yes, I'm going to go through labor pain, but he had his share of sacrifice. For 2 weeks he was knocked out, it was hard on him. Here are the numbers/dates:

Surgery:
07-10-07: Bilateral VasoEpi With Dr. Silbert

SA:
12-13-07: 13.8 mil/ml, 4.1, 63% motility
04-17-08: 54 mil/ml, 4.3 ml, 51% motility.

Positive Beta 4/25/08 :-)

I charted every month of ovulation, except the one I got pregnant. Per early ultrasound dating (and my normally late ovulation), I might have ovulated/gotten pregnant a couple days before the SA (April 11-14), which was really perfect timing because one has to abstain for 3 days for the SA. Yes, God has a perfect timing for everything.

Ok, here are some pictures!

1) 36 weeks 2) nursery 3) nursery/36weeks 4) 29 weeks 5) 29 weeks 6/7) 37 weeks. I'm going to try to post one before delivery.

Guess the baby's gender and statistics!

2009-01-09T08:46:00.000-05:00

just for fun:

mmm

2009-01-08T11:55:00.000-05:00

labor cookies taste delicious!

Thankful

2009-01-07T16:16:00.002-05:00

So this morning I had a little scare. I was monitoring my Blood pressure and it was 140/90. My feet is super swolen so first thing in my mind was toximia/preeclampsia. Well, thank God it's not.

I'm back from doc's appointment. I went in hearing my relaxation CD, got lots of water and did a Bradley exercise that is suppose to help (but in the air, laying down relaxing)... amazingly when I got to the doc's office my blood pressure was normal 120/80, no protein in the urine. Yes, I'm very swollen, but it seems baby is ok also: the ultrasound NST gave baby a perfect score (8/8) for amount of liquid, practice breathing... and belly is measuring where it's supposed to be...

So, we made another appointment for next week and we'll be talking induction after 42 weeks... I was just so scared I'd have to deliver this baby today, even though I'm "overdue"...I don't feel ready. I just don't want to risk a c-section, you know? Hopefully I'll be going naturally before my next appointment, I'm 2 cm dilated (but he said it's easily stretchable to a 3 or 4cm? not sure how that's possible), and 90% effaced.

I'll have to pray a lot this baby will come before 42 weeks, I rather not be induced, but after 42 weeks, it's when complications arise, so I think I'll have to after that...

so relieved, I actually cried when the doc left the room... so thankful!

No doula, maybe.

2009-01-06T19:48:00.004-05:00

My doula had to do an emergency trip to California... she won't probably be back before Sunday. So with this last minute change of plans on our birth plan... DH and I are practicing birth support tonight. We've read the chapter of the Bradley book on relaxation. Right now he is downstairs locking the house, praying with the kids and leaving everything in order so we can go to bed. And I'm in bed just relaxing and browsing some blogs until he comes upstairs. Then I'll get a massage and try to sleep... tomorrow is my doctor's appointment and I'll be getting an ultrassound and possibly a Non stress test (I think)... my feet is really swollen so I'm hoping I have no toxemia issues... we'll be doing some pelvic rocking and other exercises tonight to see if that helps with the swelling. I even ate grapefruit today (I hate grapefruit, but they say is a good natural diuretic).

Funny story about grapefruit, when I first come into this country my roommate's parents asked me if I like grapefruit and I said I loved it. Well, I was thinking grape juice... since grape is a fruit, I didn't think there was a fruit called grapefruit that would be any different, you know? I really gagged when I tasted the juice they served me, but I pretended I liked it. Later on I told me roommate and she told her parents (I told her not to tell them, but she did anyway - I just didn't want to be rude), we all had a good laugh about it, though.

And talking about fruit, I had some cashew juice tonight... mmmm yammy, I was saving this bottle from my last trip to Connecticut (they have tons of brazilians and a nice brazilian grocery store), but tonight I just had to have to brazilian juice. DH also got me some pineapple at my request. I can't wait to have it tomorrow for breakfast!

I better turn this computer off now and try to get some sleep...

just for fun

2009-01-06T02:25:00.003-05:00

take a look at my ticker on the top of this blog... lol

need I say more? I'm actually not uncomfortable, except for sleeping (yes, I'm blogging at 2:30 am)... but really other than that and getting in/out of bed/chairs, I'm enjoying my pregnant state. I can feel the baby moving like crazy this days... I love feeling little feet, little hands, turns, rolling... I just love this baby inside... if it wasn't for having to have an induction after a certain point... I'd keep baby in for a long time...

Due Date

2009-01-04T22:15:00.005-05:00

So it's safe to say that although today is my due day, it won't be the delivery date. Even if I had the fastest birth in the world it's now 10:15pm and I feel no contractions. Just had a shower and I'm here digesting the day.

The day started really interesting with a call from my brother in Brazil inquiring if the baby was here or not...lol. Funny people. He was disapointed once I explained it could take an additional 2 weeks - babies don't have calendars in utero, you know...yes, he was not the only one that inquired. Every person that I talked to today had the same question: did you had the baby?

My mom left for Connecticut to her job and my husband spent the day putting tile on our bathroom-to-be. The plan was for him to finish our room and bathroom before the baby get's here. But I think the baby will definetely be here first. The nursery is all set and organized, clothes in the drawers, supplies at hand. We have a little bed in the nursery in case our room does not get ready in time, so I could spend the night over there. That will be hard to spend the night apart from DH but I don't think I could be apart from the baby when the baby is this young. The place we are currently sleeping (the library) is no place to have a baby, just too tiny and crowded.

My doula send me an email today saying she had to do an emergency trip to DC but will be back tomorrow. So it all works well. I went to the mall today and walked a bit.

I googled natural child birth and was trying to read some birth stories, and also the description for contractions. It seems your belly has to be hard for it to be a contraction, I think I've been having on and off Brackston Hicks for a couple months now, but they are hardly noticible, I was confused as if this is the baby moving or a contraction but I think they are BH since part of the belly gets hard. I don't think I felt a real contraction yet. I have some cervical pressure (people call it pain, but it doesn't hurt, it's just... pressure)... probably the baby starting to drop? or just the overall weight of my belly. Don't know.

The plan is, if I go into labor DH will take 2 weeks off. Then my mom will be here for a week after that. I honestly didn't want her to, but I can't deny her the time with her grandchild too. I debated whether to write about this here or not, but this is part of my feelings with motherhood that I need to write about. One of my fears is that this baby will not be close to me because I don't feel close to my mom. I felt close to my dad, but I could never share a good rational conversation with my mom, or a good close conversation. So my hopes are that we will be close. But really, will the baby like to spend time with me? What kind of bond will we form?

As my mom left for CT today after making me really mad and stressed all week - I still got up at 5:30 am to tell her goodbye and give her a hug. I think that proved to me that the child-maternal ties are very strong, no mather what. Yes, I felt relieved she was leaving, but also a little sad in case I go into labor. It's so weird. I don't want her nearby but I do.

I think the reason I'm relieved is because I don't have to hear criticism in any of my parenting decisions as long as I don't talk to her on the phone. My mom does not agree with me going over my due date (you are putting your baby in risk!), she has mentioned the word c-section more than I can count (preferrably on my grandma's b-day - 2 days ago), my cloth diapering decision (I'm back to the stone age). Then there is the food and fat issue. I shouldn't be eating at the times I'm eating; I'm not overating but she thinks I should be more worried about my shape. I think I should eat when I'm hungry because it means the baby is also hungry. She thinks I shouldn't be gaining weight (again, I'm not worried about my weight neither is my doctor but any gain of weight is seen negatively by my mom). About the weight thing, I've been hearing the word fat for way too long and I'm getting tired of it. I don't think I'm fat, I don't think when i first heard this word I was fat. I look at pictures of my high-school and primary school, and I see a healthy little girl. Not super-skinny, true, but healthy. I'm not sure if this an issue with only my mom or is the general culture in Brazil that everyone has to be super skinny? I don't know. But right now, being fat is not on my list of worries. I'm worried about having a healthy baby, that's all.

My mom thinks I should be more worried about stretch marks (I'm surprisingly not worried about that). I don't know, I'm just not that superficial. I don't care too much about the latest fashion or if I'm in the perfect shape. I care about feeling well and looking great in certain ocasions. On the day-to-day, I think the way I look is good and I haven't had a complain from my husband, so why be worried?

My mom thinks I should be finding a babysitter so I can go back to work (she has high expectations for my degree). It's all so against everything that I'm going to actually do, that the clash is inevitable. I don't know, I should probably stop opening this can of worms in case she ever finds this blog. I probably should.

hmmm... I don't know, I also feel it's such a different life. My friends and family in Brazil all have babysitters and housekeepers - labor it's actually cheap over there. You can have all those things if you are a middle class person. I don't and don't plan to get one. I plan to stay home most of the time (sorry to shock some people), but I've been home in the past 2 years homeschooling my stepdaughter. Why wouldn't I do that for my own child? I feel the degree I got it's an wonderful accomplishment, and I feel I will use it at one point in my life (the right time) but it will not be the focus point in my life. I think my idea of motherhood it's so different from the one my mom (and let's be fair, a lot of people) have. And it's ok, it's two different view of the world, I just wish my decisions about my life were respected. Ok,I have now officially written too much about this. If feels good to get it out though.

I might take this post out if I feel like it later, for now it will stay here. I'm looking forward to Baby Bee's arrival one of this days. Today was not the day unfortunately.

Still waiting for Baby bee

2009-01-03T01:40:00.000-05:00

I guess I'm going to be posting a lot on the blog over there... but my due date is Sunday and I don't feel baby is coming out quite yet.

2009-01-03T00:56:00.002-05:00

So the baby ticker says I have one day to go. Wow. I failed miserably to update this blog during my pregnancy, and I won't tweak the dates to make it look that I faithfully wrote. Let's be honest, I didn't. I do want to write before my Baby Bee gets here, thought, even if it is in the last possible minute. It's so important to express some of this feelings and emotions, to register the joy of this pregnancy. There is so much to write that, that it would be overwhelming. What words to use to describe what it feels like to be due in 1 day? That I know my life would change forever? obvious. That I'm expecting this day for a couple years now? yes, that too. That I'm anxious to know if I'm going to be a good mom, if this baby will have a Godly path and good health? absolutely.

Let me first try, to summarize some important aspects of my pregnancy:
- I had to concentrate a little less on baby and a little more on school from months 6 to 9... (that explains the lack of posts)... so I could accomplish something I've been trying since before baby. Finish my school. So that was done. I'm now a Dr of Audiology! Yey! that was some stress, but it's over now. I applied for state licensure and I'm still trying to decide what to do about this degree (maybe open my own business? work part-time) not sure yet, since now, well... baby bee is almost here and I really think there is nothing else more important. So, career on hold. I'll be Dr. Mom then. Not an easy decision to make, let me tell you but something tells me I'm on the right path.

- There was a lot of stress in our lives in the past 3 months, and I hate writing about negative stuff. The witch of the west has tried all her tricks. I know that now is over and thanks be to God, we are all here, alive, together, healthy, even though we are broke. But so is everyone else in this Country. Like my nephew's favorite saying. This financial crisis is "do balacobaco" (sorry, no idea how to translate that).

- And that brings me to this 3rd very important thought about translations, language, culture. I want baby bee to be bilingual. I haven't spoken much Portuguese, or written anything... it's sad... I don't know how, but I'll try my best to expose Baby Bee to this part of me. I'm not american, I'm brazilian, a permanent resident that will eventually seek citizenship (?? still deciding on that)... but, right now, this is the place I am, the language I'm using is English. I'm afraid of losing this important part of me and not being able to give it to you baby... but I guess that is silly, baby will learn what is meant to be. I have to keep digesting this bicultural state of being. I'm not done thinking about this yet.

- and talking about bicultural, this is also on the spiritual level. I feel that my spirituality has lowered since coming to the U.S... and now that there is a baby that keeps me awake kicking my insides, reminding I'm responsible and will be guiding him or her... I can't help but feel sad and guilty I let this happened. So, I guess with this pregnancy I've been moved to have some spiritual revival in my life. I know what the path is, I just need to go back and walk it. This life is so distracting how do you do that? I'm such a wreck and just like Paul, do everything wrong, that I don't want too.

I think the feelings are so many I'll have to stop here, I need some sleep.

In informational terms, I'm now 2 cm dilated, 90% effaced and at -2 station. Doc gave me a 40 to 60 percent change of going in labor by next week. And If I don't, there is the induction talk we have to have - I don't want to think too much about, because I'm hoping to bear a natural birth.

There's so much to talk about Natural Birth, Cloth diapering, Elimination Communication, Babies that read. It's a whole new world. For now, good night Baby Bee. I'm enjoying having you inside, it feels my heart with joy to feel your every move. I'm blessed and so lucky to be your mom.

2008-12-21T01:32:00.000-05:00

Knowledge I have... but the courage... mmm not sure, will have to see. God help me.

You have 92% of the knowledge you need to give birth the way your

Hello Birth Warrior! You question everything you're told about birth and there is no doubt that the birth your baby has will be the best possible birth you can give. You're not afraid of doctors or the word "no" and you keep pushing until you get the results you want.

Do you know how to give birth?
Take More Quizzes

I did it!

2008-10-23T18:04:00.000-04:00

Passed the thesis defense... Just need to submit corrections and will be all done! Praise the Lord!

Bummer!

2008-10-14T12:57:00.000-04:00

noooooo! I'm going to have to reschedule my defense... one of the members of my commeettee never got the "memo" about this Thurday's date... so maybe next Thursday...??? There is a right time for everything...

Defense next Thursday!!!!

2008-10-09T10:19:00.000-04:00

Finally!!!

I've got the OK to defend my thesis next Thursday October 16, 2 pm...
ohhh pray for me! Six years later, I'm looking forward to be Dr. poetryofsound!!!

I'm working on some corrections, doing more proofreading and putting my power point presentation together...

Week 18

2008-08-09T00:01:00.002-04:00

The beginning of the 5th month. Now you are the size of a big pepper. This was a very exciting week! Many, many "firsts".

First time wearing real maternity clothes. My mom come over to visit and brought me a ton of things, some dresses that I loved some that I hated, but all in all, one that is my favorite. I even look pregnant in that one. I'll try to post a picture of the belly soon, which leads me to the next first.
The belly is popping out. I look huge, I feel huge, and the scale does not lie, finally put up 2 pounds since the beggining of the whole pregnancy. I feel better as I felt that because I was loosing weight i was maybe starving the baby, glad I'm back to my normal weight plus 1 or 2 pounds (ok 2!).
This baby likes worship!!! i was sitting at the piano, my back hurting like always, trying to sit still..but just very happy since we were having a nice peaceful worship for a change (it does not happen often with two teenagers around, let me tell you!), but in the middle of the singing ("Softly and tenderly, Jesus is calling"), the baby starting kicking like crazy. I could feel the little pokes on my right side of the belly. Very nice. The next day when I was playing piano again, the baby got a little active again (not as much as the day before). Future musician, maybe? lol

And finally, I was trying to look for a doula. I really wanted to have a crunchy-granola-all-natural birth, if possible. But, since I live where Jude "lost his boots" (a brazilian proverb), there are no doulas around here. The closest is in Harrisburg which is 1.5 hours south of here. Now mind you, baby will be here during the high winter season, so, who knows how the roads are going to look like (snow is a problem around here)... so I didn't want to hire a doule that would be 1.5 hours away, which in winter time could mean -I don't know - not even being able to be here... but... my friend google helped me find someone in the Williamsport area (about 40 minutes from here)... I'm talking with her this Sunday, but she has said that My January 4th delivery wouldn't be a problem, or having to drive to the hospital over here. That makes very glad! Having a doula present is an awesome thing... I read it even decreases your changes of having a c-section. Not that I wouldn't have one if It was indicated that I really need one, but I want to give my best shot. Just knowing someone would be there to giving me a helping hand at labor time would be wonderful. My dream is to have a drugs free, short labor... something laboyer-like. Soft music, soft lights. The hospital seems to be friedly to that idea, except there are no bathtubs there. Oh well...I'll use the hot shower.That's it for this week! 2 more weeks and the big ultrassound will be here. I don't know if I'm going to find the sex or not. We'll probably keep it a surprise, but will see. If I'm strong enough.I finally told the whole world that I'm pregnant, so everyone is anxious to now news about this baby Bee of joy. I'm enjoying every moment, I know time will fly by. I can't believe I'm almost half way there.

2008-08-08T23:22:00.001-04:00

Week 16It was a blur. I did nothing but work on my thesis, and finally finished. The nausea was very strong. Got sick a couple times... The babies ears are starting to work! that's about the biggest thing for this week.Week 17Aleluia!!!! no more nausea? maybe??? I ate pamonha (a traditional corn thing - for lack of better words - from Brazil). Wondering when is this baby going to start to move!!! I was able to hear the heartbeat briefly for a couple minutes on the home doppler. Very cool. I'm still a worry nut and keep wondering if the baby is ok. Trying to think positive. Trying not to walk too fast, lol.

2008-07-28T22:33:00.000-04:00

1.6 weeks left till the end of the semester

2008-07-28T22:26:00.000-04:00

1) write chapter 2
2) correct what advisor #2 wrote on last draft
3) apa format the stupid tables and figures, and references, and headings.
4) put a hard copy on my advisors' mailbox

to do:
5) get a defense date
6) prepare an oral presentation
7) defend
8) correct
9) get fricking over with this!

summer semester (2.2 weeks left)

2008-07-22T23:43:00.000-04:00

I accomplished the goals on the last sentences of the last post.
But I didn't finish. Maybe writing my goals will help.
So my goals for this week are:

1) write chapter 2
2) correct what advisor #2 wrote on last draft
3) apa format the stupid tables and figures, and references, and headings.
4) put a hard copy on my advisors' mailbox
5) get a defense date
6) prepare a oral presentation
7) defend
8) correct.
9) get fricking over with this!

Ultrasound

2008-07-17T03:25:00.001-04:00

15 weeks, 3 days. Not the best picture, but you can see baby head (mouth opens/closes) on the left, body on the right and then later on legs kicking. We don't know the gender yet and are planning to keep it a surprise.[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHIcnMCbAio]

An apple

2008-07-15T05:22:00.001-04:00

Baby you are 15 weeks old. The size of an apple. It seems that just yesterday, you were a tiny poppy seed.I've been thinking a lot about you. Today, what's in my mind is your room. How would I decorate a room that is both relaxing, educational, maybe Inspiring... Some thoughts come to my mind:I've read tonight at my online Bible: Deut 11:7 "But your eyes have seen all the great acts of the LORD which he did." I have indeed, my baby, seen so much God has made and I want you to know this wonderful thing that is to have a powerful and amazing God. I remember reading a long time about about laying up God's words in our hearts, and our children's hearts. To speak those things when we walk, when sit, and when we lay down. To have those words written everywhere. I want our home to provide an environment for you where you will be able to know about God before anything else. I think that, to know that there is a God, and that He loves you and made you from the time you were a tiny poppy seed until today (my little apple), it's the first and most important lesson.There are so many thoughts in my mind, I can't type them all, because is late and daddy is snoring and I need to get some sleep too. But I pray, I'll be able to share with you some important values.God. Family. Education, music, languages (Portugues!), there is so much to think about!

Just for fun... would the baby look like this?

2008-07-12T00:03:00.001-04:00

Make Babies with friends and celebs!

2 years

2008-07-11T12:33:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it, 2 years.

They weren't easy years, due to external factors.

But despite all trials, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

God had indeed prepared this special person to be there for me, and I've been here for him.

I'm very thankful.

Week 14

2008-07-10T17:56:00.001-04:00

Finally in the 2nd trimester! Yey!Nothing is different though. Actually I'm a little worse. mmm. I know a bunch of preggie ladies that are just boasting about no more morning sickness. I'm throwing up more this week than I did during all 1st trimester. But the good news is, the baby is still growing. I have an ultrasound next week, fingers crossed it will be ok.Other than that, I'm really worried about my diet. No foods are tasting good right now, and I'm not eating as much as I should. I haven't gained a single pound, and I'm really worried about eating. I'm making myself eat, but afraid I'm not doing the best I could for this baby. I mean, baked potatoes and chicken soup are not full of nutrition all the time. So I'm trying to add some yogurt, whole wheat bread, tofu, veggies, and others to the list. I think I have to start drinking some grapefruit juice (although I hate grapefruit), 'cause I'm really retaining lots of water. Can't wear my wedding ring today. Shopping list: add aspargus, celery, grapefruit juice. What else is good for that?Oh, yea, I have to be less lazy and get the ultrassound pics from week 12 in here. And I also took a picture at 6 weeks and I want to compare with my belly right now. Which is huuuuge, even though I haven't gained a pound. If I find courage to take the picture I'll post here.maybe.

Weeks 12 and 13

2008-07-10T17:48:00.001-04:00

I haven'ts updated for a while. Well, no wonder, I have no energy. I was told the end of the first trimester will calm down many symptoms and caused me to be less nauseated, have more energy. It was true for one or two days of those two weeks, but then, other than those fortunate days (where I obcessed to find out if there was anything wrong, because I had no symptoms), well, other than those days I'm still miserably happy. That means nauseated, fatigued, and many other symptoms, but happy to be pregnant. Although the husband might be getting tired of cooking and cleaning. Here is what the baby looked like at week 12: Here is what he/she looked like at week 13:

Little joke

2008-07-10T14:03:00.000-04:00

MOTHERS MILK
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.The last question was:'Name seven advantages of 'Mothers Milk.'Worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, who had partied late the night before, was frustrated to think of seven advantages.He wrote:
1. It is perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always at the right temperature.
4. It is inexpensive.
5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6. It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang, indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7. It comes in such cute containers.
He got an 'A'.

The size of a fig

2008-06-16T15:27:00.001-04:00

There is nothing really new to report. I continue to have vivid dreams, nausea, tender ta-tas etc. At 10 weeks the nausea was very uncomfortable, now I'm used to it. What bugs me its an itchy feet. When I exausted and need to catch some zzzzs, my feet itches like crazy. I bought a baby journal and will be filling it in. Also my friend Luciana send me some nice baby books. She is right, it's time to read as much as baby stuff as i can, right now, before our little bundle of joy is here. I just wish I wasn't so sleepy, all I want to do is sleep. One more week and the first trimester is over. I can't wait to be more comfortable, hopefully this symptoms will start to go down and my belly will start to grow exponencially. Well, I already have a little baby bump. But I'm sure it's mostly bloating, although I don't fit in any of my clothes, except for a few that used to be loose. Now they are super tight. Curious thing is I haven't gained any weight (just the normal 2 -3 pounds I get with PMS every month, which is all water).11 weeksOur baby, is just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her/His hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.She/He's already busy kicking and stretching, and her/his tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming. 10 Weeks (June 8th to June 15)Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.In other developments: Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.

The size of a grape

2008-06-05T17:36:00.001-04:00

9 weeks:You're the size of a grape by now. The little ticker on this page says your toes and fingers are almost ready to be counted. I just can't believe how blessed I am, and I'm so afraid that this is a dream I'll wake up from.Symptoms? All of them. I'm getting used to having vivid dreams. Reading about pregnancy dreams, seems that animals tend to symbolize the fetus. It's funny I could see you, a cute puppy, really adorable. You're playing with Tessa. She loved you and hugged you and cared for you. Just like she did with our dog when he was a puppy. I hope it works like that, I'm praying for no sibbling jealousy, I'm praying she and her brother will really get stronger in the Lord so they can lead you with their testimony to God too.And to make things really unusual, I cry and get emotional at everything this days. A movie, a love message, a disappointment, a worry, an idea. I'm so touchy-feeling it's scary, I've never been like that. I was always known as a rational, male-brained person. I dont know why God does this, but I know it will be for your benefit, maybe I need to softned up a tad, who knows? whatever it is, He is wise.Thank you for being my baby.

Xenophonia

2008-05-29T12:33:00.002-04:00

There has been several attacks in South Africa recently because of the "hate of the what is foreign". And here in the U.S. although people do not attack you violently, I often get the impression that as a foregn resident you are looked upon as a walking bomb - waiting to explode with a tropical disease, or to fail as a citizen. Ok, sorry for ranting, but I'm so upset about this, I could barely sleep the last couple nights thinking about it.I Went to the midwife last week and she wants to insist on giving me an x-ray on my second trimester. About 10 years ago I had a positive PPD (that is the test that screen to see if you have immune responses to Tuberculosis). The test was followed by several x-rays over the years, all negative. The reason I have immune responses to TB it's because I received the TB vaccine when i was a baby (it's standard in my country), in addition I received a booster shot when i also in college. It's a good thing to have immune responses to TB, specially if you worked in the health system of a public hospital. That means I'll be less likely to get TB. But the clinical thought in the U.S. is the opposite. Because this vaccine is not provided on a regular basis, people freak out when they see a positive PPD. They just don't understand this is expected when you got the vaccine. The midwife was so freaked out about this, she put a note on my electronic record under health summary "ppd positive". Now really, is this the summary of my health?I know this. I'm NOT under any circumstances doing an unnecessary x-ray because of this. Now the midwive wants me to be on isolation during labor if I refuse to get an x-ray. It's ridiculous. I have no clinical symptoms, my blood tests are all normal (no elevated monocytes), no weight loss (on the other hand I gained 30 pounds over the past 4 years).It is ridiculous.I'm almost getting an airplane and flying back home where I can have a normal delivery at the sound of Beethoven, in the hospital with awesome midwives, bathtub, artificial sky in the ceiling. I talked to a couple of people back home who agree that I should not get an x-ray because of this.Sorry, don't mean to ofend my american friends, my husband is american and I love him, but the health system and clinical thought here sucks. ok, rant over. or not.

Latest Ultrassound

2008-05-29T00:13:00.002-04:00

So I went to a new doctor today, didn't really like the midwife last week (that's a new post) and he took a new ultrassound. Baby is measuring just fine and the heart rate is 172 BPM!!! We heard the heartbeat too! Fantastic. Here is the latest pic, not very good, but a little close up compared to last time. There is also some flash/reflex because of the smooth ultrasound paper. My EDD was changed to is 1/4/09.They also gave me a "goodie" bag with a whole bunch of magazines, reading material and a copy of "What to expect when you're expecting". I def like this new clinic better.8 weeks:

Ultrasound!

2008-05-23T21:35:00.002-04:00

Finally. I wasn't expecting since I just went in to see the midwife, but she brought the ultrasound and took a look. So beautiful! Baby had a strong heartbeat, I could see the flickering on the screen. Although she did not measure how many BPM. The baby size is 7 weeks 4 days +or- 2 days. She said because she is not a tech she wants me to go in for another ultrasound to see exactly what the due date is. I happen to ovulate here late and according to my last period I'd be 8 weeks 5 days, but because I ovulate so late, it makes sense the baby is measuring at 7 weeks 4 days.So here it is, his or her first picture:DH and I were holding tears. As soon as the midwife left and I had to put my clothes back on, we were on each other's arms just all emotional and kissing, and crying. It was very nice.

Waiting

2008-05-20T17:58:00.002-04:00

How's baby doing? Day 39: Baby teeth are beginning to form under the baby's gums. And more: elbows, arms, ears, eyes, nose develop. Read more about the baby here.

You are the size of a blueberry today.

that makes me go "aww"...

How am I doing? I've been having very vivid dreams. Weird too. Just today in the 10 minutes that my husband left for work, just before I got a knock on my door I fell asleep and dreamed, not once, but twice. And they seemed like really long dreams too. One of the dreams was with my friend Pollyanna. I dreamed she was acting alien-like and she had willingly made surgery to replace all her skin for artificial skin. Like I said, very weird.

And yesterday, my superhero drove twice to try to calm my nause down. One to lookie for Preggie Pops, which as we found this country place of ours don't have... and the other to get some soda so I could have it flat, with crackers.

but seriously, Lately, I can only think about one thing: I want to get an ultrasound!!!! ahhhh. Is this date every going to be here???

ok. out of my chest, back to work.

Symptoms

2008-05-12T14:19:00.003-04:00

I've been rejoicing with every symptom, after all, research has correlated them with healthier babies (increased survival rates).So here is what I felt during this first month (in order)

Super-powerful nose. I can smell things on different floors, certain foods smell awful (specially when closer to their expiration date).

My central acupulture point (on my forehead) changed colors. It became yellowish at first, then red.

Tender ta-tas. Enlarged, no Huge, I mean, enourmous ta-tas!

Extreeeeeeme fatigue. My kingdom for 16 hours of sleep. I wish.

Pimples - they were the first ones to appear. I feel like a teenager all over again.

Food cravings. Who would ever think that I would eat onions? I hate them! But now I love them.

Water retention and bloating.

Hormones, or crying for no reason.

My husband's birthday, I love him so much, tearing.Poor man has gone through so much tribulation, weeping.My first mother's day, wailingLooking pictures of President's Bush daughter's wedding, oh, bawling.Looking at a picture of Men struggling to get a piece of bread in Pakistan, andOh my, Myanmar is destroyed, wailingWatching ugly Betty, sobbingmy feet does not stop scratching, blubbering

And at 4 weeks, finally, morning sickness (including nausea mostly and an awful metalic taste at all times)

Really, I'm enjoying every bit of it, and I'm not being sarcastic. At first I'd get a little nauseated and be: "Yes! look, I'm nauseated", and of course for obvious reasons (endorphins?) it would go away. So even now, when I experience discomfort it's not long before It's not that bad. It's the powerful mind-body conexion.I think the greatest change in this first month was my "zen" spirit. I'm positive all the way and repelling any negativity. The children are not allowed to be negative around me anymore, nor anyone else. I'm following the doc's advice to even close my doors or hang up the phone at the first sign of negativity. And I've been careful. I'm even afraid of sneezing. I know it's irrational, I couldn't possibly sneeze the baby out. But I'm just being extra careful on everything. And so is Father Bee. He won't let me do anything extreme, like riding the rollercoster last week when we were at Hershey Park. He is and will be a great father.6 weeks: You are the size of a lentil today, and this is what you look like

Lucy is Enceinte

2008-05-09T23:33:00.003-04:00

I love Lucy - Episode # 50The Original script for the episode contains the word pregnant. Back in 1952, the network censors wouldn't allow the writers to use the word "pregnant" in any of the episodes. Therefore, the "Lucy" crew had to substitute the word with the phrase "having a baby." Luccile Ball was already 5 months pregnant when they made her character pregnant.Right before Ricky sings "We're Having a Baby" Lucy and Desi are so caught up in the emotional moment that one of the crew members has to scream "Sing the baby song!" (Source=http://www.tv.com/i-love-lucy/lucy-is-enceinte/episode/15130/summary.html)[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=lnPWuoafG9Y]LyricsWe're having a baby, my baby and meYou'll read it in Winchell'sThat we're adding a limb to our family treeWhile pushing our carriageHow proud I will beThere's nothing like marriageAsk your father and mother and they'll agreeHe'll have toys, baby clothesHe'll know he's come to the right houseBy and by, when he growsMaybe he'll live in the White HouseOur future looks brighterBut definitelyWe're having a babyRICKY : I bet he's gonne look just like youLUCY : Oh I hope notWe're having a babyLUCY : I bet she speaks with an accent like youRICKY : She?LUCY : YeahWe're having a babyMy baby and me

Appointments

2008-05-07T19:24:00.003-04:00

OB/GYN Appointment - May 28 @ 3:30May 23, 1:45pm

Why am I awake

2008-05-06T06:04:00.003-04:00

at 1:59 a.m.?I could have said:

Because of the frequent trips to the bathroom
Because my boobs are killing me
because I feel a little sick and the suddently bleeding gums are not helping
because I'm worried my husband will asfixiate with all the gas I expelled in the room tonight
because I'm trying to decide on what type of birth to have
because I want to read all my pregnancy books.

but to be honest, I'm just daydreaming about you. Sounds like a stupid think to say. But I can't wait to start having labor pains. Or rushes, like they said in midwifery land.5 Weeks: You are the size of an apple seed today.

2nd Hcg

2008-05-01T21:05:00.003-04:00

hcg - 951.4Insulin - 17.5 (normal is from 3 to 17).My little tadpole is sticking!!!And my Insuline levels are almost normal!!! (they were 4 times the norm last time).T-H-A-N-K-S be to GOD!

First Sabbath together

2008-04-29T13:42:00.003-04:00

April 26th, 2008During the almost 6 years I've been in this Country. I avoided brazilian church or settings at all costs. I wanted to perfect my English, learn this culture, give myself the best chance to be fluent. Lately I've been feeling so homesick and at odds with the local culture, but specially the church.It's a cultural thing most likely, but I've found English speaking churches so... well, there are no kind words for it, so I'll refrain from speaking.Instead let me tell you about brazilian churches. As soon as you step in a brazilian church, you can feel the difference. You really can. Not sure if it's in the air, or just the people but here is positive energy floating around. The looks and attitudes of most people (of course there are exceptions)... they will shake your hand and honestly to invite you into their houses, their lives. I want my abelhinha (baby bee) to be part of this.Coincidently or not, this weekend we planed to spent in CT visiting my mom. I didn't even mind the 3 hour drive this time, I was so happy to be able to start this pregnancy from the beginning surrounding my baby with positive influences. And the church did not disappoint me. The musical/praise team was amazing, choir, worship, fellowship luncheon... and even Holy Communion.Contrary to the american churches where men and women are segregated, on the brazilian church if you are married you can participate in the cerimony of foot washing with your husband. It sounds weird if you do not know what it means. But to me it means humility, being a servent and being humble. The last time my husband and I participated in a service like this was on my honeymoon on our first Sabbath as a couple. And today, as we participated again, we were three. It was really emotional to me. I was very thankful. As I ate the bread and drank the grape juice, I felt that I feeding my baby spiritually with the body and blood of Christ. I prayed that one day, he will grow to have spiritual interest and thirst, and a deep solid relationship with God.Then In the afternoon we took a walk around the beach, and towards the lighthouse in Bridgeport. I was sick on my way back. But even being sick was a joy. Your sister got me this:Can't wait for you to be here so I can show you little things like that, Abelhinha.While we walked along the beach I whispered to your grandma that you are here. She was so happy. I could just not tell her. I was really not going to tell right now, but she has a way of making me feel guilty that way.Baby: And just like that, you're over your first month, and this is what you look like, the size of a poppy seed: